god made it easy on me

i can holla at the birds like Dr. Doolittle

2008-01-08T08:08:00.001Z

on the pitch, 5 may 2007, Bristol City 3-1 Rotherham Utd.
the happiest day of my life. could have smiled i suppose

so i guess this is the final, valedictory post in what turned out to be the rather Adrian Mole-esque account of my turbulent late-adolescence. in actuality i think that this blog did turn out to be a very accurate reflection of my life: a pretty half-arsed effort all-round interspersed with flashes of brilliance, more than my fair share of utterly embarassing moments, but the odd thing of which i'm oddly proud. as such i can't bring myself to just delete all of this self-obbsessed drivel from the internet, but at the same time i feel i can't leave it all out there to embarass future-Adam with memories of his 20 year old self without some form of disclaimer. so, in the vein of Eminem's comforting, myth-debunking final verse on 'I'm Shady' (from the Slim Shady LP) i'd like to clear a few things up:

- firstly, i don't really struggle to get girls (with a face like this?). in fact, i draw more gash than a make-up artist on casualty.
- i'm not depressed, nor do i hate my life, i just like self-deprecating humour.
- most of these entries do not represent days, weeks or months of profound thought, more like what i fancied writing about when i was (generally) a bit bored and a bit caned.

thats better.

anyway, to bring this full circle, i'd like to sort of end this as i ended my first ever post: it's rubbish rhyme time!

this one is called '4.48am Saturday' (artistic!), and i always foresaw it being spat over this beat:

have a bash yourself. it's double-time(ish) so you'll have to be quite quick.
i got this girl and i do know about her,
got crushed out and saw her in a club with her bloke,
man what a downer...
and i know its cliche,
but i smoke weed every day,
tryin to get my mind straight,
walk to the edge of my gates,
just to stare into space,
look at the lights of the city,
damn what a pity,
met her two weeks ago it would have been pretty,
'stead it's all gone a just little bit shitty,
still acting silly,
tryna be chilly but my face is grinny,
my stomach does flips everytime she's with me,
been thinking with my heart and not with my willy,
got to get out on the pull again quickly,
but the thought alone just makes me feel sickly,
spent enough time in nightclubs looking pretty,
smelling of hairspray,
smoking a ciggy,
home on my own for the wank of self-pity,
still i'll get pissed and get my dance on,
reminisce when i used to send girls 'Round the Twist',
tho' i looked like Bronson,
'cos i ain't a playa, im a coach,
like Gary Johnson.

and then this one, '9.30pm Saturday' (see, what i've done there). i've got no idea of a beat for this one as it's got less rhythm than a pregnant Catholic:

u can find me in the pub at half nine,
approaching girls like,
'i ain't tryin to hype,
but ur gorgeous and exactly my type,
and i've got a six-pack in the right light,
my nan says if she smokes she pokes, so can i pass u a light?
cos u could stay here for the rest of the night,
looking for mr. right,
not see ne1 nice,
tho u mite catch a fight,
some lad shank another br'er in his side,
hav too many vk with ice,
get perved on by some middle-aged guys,
wake up the next morning to piece together events in ur mind,
asking urself 'why?'
or u could come back with i,
hav a spliff under moonlight,
and shag in the kitchen while the house is still quiet,
its up to u to decide,
r u gonna ginger things up?
get some spice in ur life?
or ignore the evidence of ur own eyes?
cos i aint geri,
gonna stay skinny for life,
plus i can tell you what the 80s like,
and i can lay the pipe,
but i didn't tell you that... i'm far too polite'

and, to conclude, an unreleased Chris Dring diss from the vaults:
i draw gash like still-life, (1)
cos i'm for real like, 0-7-8-4-1-5,
3-8-6-3 and 0,
bell me and have a go,
u'll get merked even if you get my answer phone,
'cos my rhymes are duttier than Sean Paul's drawers,
or, Biggie's smalls,
got more bangers than Wall's,
you've bitten more people than Jaws ,
and you're still a bit peckish,
u give it toes like the wife of a man with a foot fetish,
ur styles limp like a piece of old lettuce,
my bars are so phat that they can't get a date,
and still lick the plate,
i'm a flirt,
with a flow sicker than a Ted Hughes advert,
for electric cookers,
got rap locked down like Stevie Brooker,
i want to punch Richard Littlejohn in his fat fucking head,
i know that didn't scan but it had to be said,
at times, the only thing i've got more than rhymes,
is crispy tissues in my bedroom bin...
i've got hayfever,
of course thats what i meant,
cocky enough to diss myself,
whereas ur pensive,
still keeping it defensive,
my lines are verging on the offensive,
you're just a virgin on the offensive,
ur girl swallowed something nasty and i don't mean Lemsip, (2)
i think it's time to end this,
so i'll let you down gently,
i'm a rascal like Dyl,
who makes the bass wobble like PiL,
the meek may inherit the earth,
but i'll contest the will,
which is why the scoreline is still,
Adam Gisborne six and Chris Dring nil.

(1) - once again i compromise my feminist principles for the sake of my art. oh well. as jermaine from 'flight of the conchords' says, 'yeah sometimes my lyrics are sexist, but you lovely bitches and hoes should know i'm trying to correct this'. incidentally, which 'gash' line do u prefer, the 'still life' or 'casualty' one?
(2) - ditto.

finally, (and this is starting to sound like a sucide note or summat... actually, while we're on the subject of my death, can i have 'juicy' by notorious b.i.g. played at my funeral, and, given that i am most likely to meet my doom by crashing because i was fiddling with my ipod whilst driving, can the world at least know what music i was listening to so at least some good can come out of it. perhaps an engraving of the playlist on my tombstone. a citizen headline of 'tragic car crash youth was listening to grime legend Wiley at moment of impact - Tunnel Vision Vols. 1-6 available in stores' is the minimum we're aiming for.) i would like to apologise to all the friends i've lost touch with over the last few years, i am a fucking flake and i realise this. but you should know that if you ever need my help or support with anything just holla at the kid (probably by courier pigeon as i'll have lost my mobile again).

remember, the unexamined life is not worth living, innit. a brazilian footballer from the 80's said that i believe.
i'm ghost like casper. X
p.s. see you soon.

i drop unexpectedly like bird shit

2007-09-03T20:38:00.000Z

i have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say for myself:

oasis' whole career summed up in an acronym:
Our
Albums
Sound
Increasingly
Shite

Puzique - Suite 9

bad (fucking terrible) premiership look-a-likeys:

phillip senderos and jay from jay and silent bob:
juelz santana and ashley young:

chris baird and any soldier from the first world war:
(it's the haircut).

a weird mannequin of r. kelly and cameron jerome:

Scarface - Never

in other news:
Tim Westwood as the ultimate embodiment of existentialism.

B.G. - Hot Boyz 226

Bristol City on top of the Championship (for half an hour or so):

M.I.A. - Paper Planes

one. X

Kanye West - Good Night (feat. Mos Def & Al Be)

some music what i have been listening to...

2007-04-25T18:30:00.000Z

currently working on my lil' wayne magnum opus (and my dissertation).

not my graffiti. i know marcel duchamp isn't a plural. 10 out of 10 for effort though. thankfully no-one walked into the toilet whilst i was taking this picture.

some tunes....

Wiley - Bow E3 (Promo)

i finally have a copy of this, just when i was about to offer up a kidney to get one.

Wiley - Slippin' (Promo)

this beat is so fucking kinetic. i'm so glad he was saving it up for something special.

Kano - Is This Grimey Enough?

(surely it's grimy?) in the words of logan sama; 'yes, yes it is.'

Young Joc - Coffee Shop

still a sucker for silly voices on rap records.

Three 6 Mafia feat. Chamillionaire - Dope Boy Fresh

the most catchy song in the world. ever. i think its the way the beat drops out to emphasise the chorus. i've had to stop listening to it to stop it going round and round and round my head.

Gui Boratto - Beautiful Life

does what it says on the tin.

Stephen Marley feat. Damian Marley - Traffic Jam

for summer.

Arctic Monkeys - Flourescent Adolescent

still a band so good they're scary.

Kirk Franklin - Imagine Me

like a gospel '1000 Miles'

Cold War Kids - Hang Me Out To Dry

this beat is heavy. can i describe indie like that?

H2O feat. Platnum - What's It Gonna Be

i would describe this song as 4x4/bassline/speed garage or niche music if i was truly able to understand what any of these terms mean. i suspect it transcends all categorisation.

i also like this video.....
DJ Mehdi - Signature

DJ MEHDI - SIGNATUNE
Uploaded by edbangerrecords

i love how you have no idea what's gonna happen for most of the video. i like how it brings out the beauty in unconventionally beautiful things. songs not bad too.

peace X

if i roll deep, roll deep with my crew

2007-03-22T21:08:00.000Z

Roll Deep and Hard-Fi (wiley (is he wearing a bib?), ashcroft, dj target, tiny white bloke, flowdan, scratchy, breeze, tiny black bloke with bowler hat, riko): one of these groups isn't fit to lace the others spliffs

Roll Deep - Flame Grilled Whopper

i go by the name of Target and i'd like to welcome all of you to the 2007 E3 Gold Cup. its a bitterly cold day here in Bow but here before us stands a field of unprecedented talent and, despite the presence of multiple champion Wiley, its virtually impossible to predict a winner. Before they set off, another quick rundown of today's runners: Wiley, Flowdan, Scratchy, Trim, Breeze and Riko.

And they're off! Wiley takes a comfortable early lead ('when I was a kid I had a blue parka, orange hood with fur') but is gradually hauled in by strong-running from Flowdan and the field has bunched back up as we round the first bend..... And now its Scratchy making a break for it down the back straight, he has quickly managed to build what looks to be an unassailable advantadge:

i feel a bit rough round the Benson & Hedges/
never would i dare get my hair Silk Cut/
i'm not one to chat J.P.S.,
i'm heavy, you man are Mayfair Light,
i'm a Superking,
i'm not one to go Dunhill,
i'll take your Royals, you make me roll-up,
are you Drum?
i'll Golden Virginia

but once again, after strong work from Trim, the field pulls him back, leaving this race wide open as we head into the final furlong. it now looks like Breeze is making a late surge! he has timed this to perfection, but will he be able to hold on.... Oh my word! This is incredible! Riko has left the track at full speed and has demolished the royal enclosure, trampling its inhabitants underfoot and is currently rampaging around the infield chasing a police officer! Never in all my days of commentary have i seen such scenes! This is totally unprecedented!

Well, in the midst of the drama and confusion it appears the race also reached a conclusion, but from my position up here in the commentary box its impossible to say who triumphed. Yes this will definitely go to a photo finish, so whilst we wait for the decision, lets go to our trackside reporter Danny Weed who maybe able to shed some light on the situation:

Danny Weed: '..........'

It appears Danny has nothing else to add at the moment, but I'm now hearing that that the results have been officiated. And Breeze has done it! He's the 2007 E3 Gold Cup Winner! Now lets have a look at the replay to see just how he did it:

I've got a flame-grilled whopper,
get hassle off the same old copper,
got metal in my mout' like Chopper,
and tattoos everywhere like a dutty punk rocker,
I'm not a geek like Jarvis Cocker,
I'm a dan, I'm dodgy like Del Boy Trotter (ha!),
still cotching on the block like a squatter,
still giving bits to the local shotter,
and I'll paint this town terracotta,
trust me, ain't many m.c.s hotter,
I'm a baller and I don't play soccer,
I'm a wizard with a wand and I don't (?) Potter,
not black magic or voodoo but,
things go missing when I'm in dark clobber,
goons wanna hover round me don't bother,
ain't got nuttin' on the Artful Dodger

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the Roll Deep album is out on Monday and you should buy it. I got my copy round January time when it was being flogged exclusively from www.ukrecordshop.com so I've been living with it for a few months, and its a stone-cold classic to be honest. I think the best way to describe it is, you know how NME used to say Public Enemy were the greatest rock'n'roll group in the world? Well you probably don't, but its a description I particularly liked as it represented a proper reflection of their achievements in a way that was easy for non-rap listeners to understand, and thus probably persuaded more people to listen to them than if they were called 'the greatest rap group in the world'.

Roll Deep therefore, are the best band in the world and 'Rules & Regulations' is one of the albums of the year.

a short list of some of my favourite things about this album:
- someone (Target?) chanting 'your not singing anymore' on 'Flame Grilled Whopper' before the verses start
- Skepta's off-key singing on the adlibs of 'Do This Ting' (probably my favourite song off the album)
- Scratchy's intro before his verse on 'Babylon Burner', which does not fail to make me smile, and (almost) makes up for the censorship and Trim's absence
- 'Roll Deep Regular 2007', ok this is my joint favourite, no matter where I am (walking down the street, in the library, sat on the back row of a lecture theatre) as soon as it hits i'm shouting 'Rah!' and skanking..... that bassline (shakes head).............it also embodies a proto-socialist philosophy rather than the extreme capitalism expoused by the majority of rap music. which is nice.
- the trancey, synthy stylings of some of the beats ('Ride or Die Chick', 'Do This Ting', 'Penpals') far more 'nu-rave' (the only time that term will ever appear on this website) than anything the NME champions.
- most of Breeze's other lines: 'late one night it was cold like Spartak, Moscow', 'them boys can't touch me with a barge, so why your soldiers giving it the large though b?'. i think i've been guilty of sleeping on him in the past, but he's definitely up there with the best of the crew

do i need to do any more persuading? Buy it! Now! Go and sit outside HMV until Monday! Go on! Do it!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssyyyyyyyyyy.

giz X

real like madrid, worth dough like beckham

2007-02-07T21:57:00.000Z

safe, should have phoned in to 606 or sumthin, but spoony isn't doing it tonight.

so the last time england played spain in a friendly was when i swore i would never watch them play one again. no more half-interested performances, dismal atmospheres, and second halves filled with so many substitutions you occasionally questioned whether this was in fact a football match you were watching and not some sort of avant-guarde performance art spectacle designed to deliberately test the audience's patience in the style of the jesus and mary chain, involving a man with a conehead and spectacles getting another man with a light-up board to flash numbers at a captive stadium of thousands (of school-kids bussed in from nearby areas to make the night's pitiful attendance appear more flattering) to either a positive or negative communal mooing slightly louder than that of a cow with a voice-box.

anyway, that vow lasted about as long as one of many attempts at new year or lent abstinence from masturbation (i think i might start making these vows whilst actually wanking on the day, thus achieving greater efficiency and productivity in my life). and so i found myself watching tonight's england game. well not watching per se, i mean i got a deal, rolled and smoked a spliff, downloaded 'Ain't Understanding Mellow' by Jerry Butler and Brenda Lee Eager and managed to keep my right-hand from gravitating to my crotch and my left hand to my (computer) mouse. unfortunately i still managed to catch a good 60 minutes of in the end.

i'll never get that back.

but what is the point of our international friendlies? no-one really gives a fuck about them, if we win, no-one cares 'cos its only a friendly, and if we lose (which we do a fair bit) its a massive rod for steve mclaren's hairy ginger back. so why not scrap them? if i was england manager i would bin the international friendlies during the qualification stages of major tournaments (i.e. most of the time), leaving them for the build-up to the tournament itself. instead have a fully-fledged england 'b' team play instead, giving a chance to those on the verges of the england team and those caught in limbo between the u-21 and the full squad. we know rio, stevie g and lamps have the quality to play at international level, they prove this week in, week out in the champion's league, whats important is their motivation and teamwork when they're involved in international games that matter. so why not get rid of them for friendlies and replace them with those that have something to prove? this consequent reduction in games played by the very top players also means that there would be more chance of getting them for longer periods in the build-up to competitive matches. which would surely have more of a benificial improvement in the way we play football? these england 'b' games could even be played with the other home nations, they want to beat anything english put in front of them, and it would certainly provide better atmospheres than those currently experienced.

ultimately, all this would do much more for the morale of fans and players than the current system of half-arsed friendlies, involving our top players wandering about for 60 minutes, before 30 minutes of sven-performance-art and (approximately) 3 minutes of booing.

perhaps what's even more disturbing than my bizarre theories is the growing knowledge that no amount of smiley-media training can disguise Steve McClaren's basic lack of football intelligence. why play crouch on his own up front? it doesn't do him justice, and jermaine defoe's place on the old trafford recaro didn't really give him the best of chances to involve himself. why not play gareth barry? natural width on the left side of midfield if you give him a chance there, or decent ability at left-back. instead we get phil neville at left-back, constantly unable to cross effectively first-time on the overlap or from deep, and lamps half-heartedly drifting off to lose the ball on the left rather than in the middle. why have the bollocks to put foster in, yet come up short in so many other areas?

i dunno.
(runs off downstairs. doesn't come back for ages until you get concerned and go down to try and find him, walk into the dark kitchen and..)
boo!
(rolls on the floor laughing.)

peeeeeaaaaace X

we on our back starin' at the stars above, talkin 'bout what we gonna be when we grow up, i said what you wanna be, she said "alive"

2007-01-12T18:49:00.000Z

andre 'ice cold' 3000 (left)

so andre 'ice cold' 3000 seems to really be taking the whole rapping thing seriously again, what with his incredible (yet slightly surreal; andre 3000 rapping with jim jones?) appearance on the remix to DJ Unk's 'Walk It Out' and now him popping up on the remix to Lloyd's saccharine 'You'. this is fantastic news on a par with, say, the sudden, painful death of Kelvin MacKenzie. i often think that if i could only listen to one artists recorded works for the rest of my days i could choose andre's and it would have absolutely no detriment to the quality of my life. i've always loved andre's verses because they seem to be able to create an emotional texture that is possibly the one thing lacking in hip-hop. like, i was listening to that 'LOVE' album of remixed Beatles hits (which they should blatantly have just put up on the internet for free, its not like they need the dosh is it?), and i was struck by how certain songs made me feel melancholy or hopeful or whatever, as opposed to the broad emotions generally provoked by hip-hop (ANGRY!!, PARTY!!, my homies are dead :-( , generally awestruck at the emcees wit and technical skill). well andre's verses always had that quality. i can remember in lower sixth printing out his verse from 'Da Art of Storytellin' (Part 1)' and sticking it inside my folder just to try and convince girls that i was emotionally deep:

Now Suzy Skrew had a partna named Sasha (Sasha), Thumper (Thumper)
I remember her number like the summer
when her and Suzy yeah they threw a slumber - - party
but you can not call it that cause it was slummer
Well it was more like spend the night
Three in the morning yawnin dancin under street lights
We chillin like a villain and a nigga feelin right
in the middle of the ghetto on the curb, but in spite
all of the bullshit we on our back starin at the stars above (aww man)
Talkin bout what we gonna be when we grow up
I said what you wanna be, she said, "Alive" (hmm)
It made me think for a minute, then looked in her eyes
I coulda died, time went on, I got grown
Rhyme got strong, mind got blown, I came back home
to find lil Sasha was gone
Her mamma said she with a nigga that be treatin her wrong
I kept on singin my song and hopin at a show
that I would one day see her standin in the front row
But two weeks later she got found in the back of a school
With a needle in her arm, baby two months due, Sasha Thumper
(taken from www.ohhla.com)

anyway, i'm only writing about this on here because i've got round to downloading that fantastic spandau ballet-sampling remix of lloyd's 'you'. so far i haven't been able to listen to the song past the first minute or so, when his rapping ends. i even went totally old-school and transcribed the lyrics into the old exercise book i'm supposed to be revising in. you know listening to the song line-by-line, and rewinding it over and over to make sure you catch everything. so here they are:

i said 'what time you get off?',
she said 'when you get me off',
i kinda laughed but it turned into a cough,
'cos i swallowed down the wrong pipe,
whatever that means,
you know old people say it so it sounds right,
so i'm standing there embarassed,
if we were both in Paris,
i would've grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,
but we in the middle of Whole Foods,
and those fools ain't supposed to beef,
but you'd think they hated tofu,
the checkout line got rowdy,
my vision got cloudy,
started seeing circles like some Audi,
emblem,
i'm hearing them say 'come on man, do this on your own time, get the hell on man'
i walked out,
i got 'bout halfway to my car when i heard shorty shout,
'3000, forgot your credit card, smart move,
by the way my little sister loves your cartoon'
'well here's my name and num,
if i ain't the one, lose it,
if i am, use it,
if a man chooses and he can do's it and he don't,
don't take it personal,
'cos he might be swamped,
with making mozzerella,
no, making worlds better,
cheese will come,
believe me I'm,
never focused on the cash,
ask Mel Gibson,
Jesus Christ, i'm 'bout the pas.....sion'

reasons why this is brilliant:
1) the admission of weakness in the third and fourth lines. at a time when virtually every rapper paints themselves as a hard-bitten pimp (at the same time as a hard-bitten drug dealer, which is kind of a contradiction in terms given the antipathy each of the two professions have historically held for the other) its very refreshing, and of course a million times more 'real' than any nebulous claims about macking.
2) its a lot easier for people to write off andre wearing a dress or being a vegetarian or saying that 'William, It Was Really Nothing' is his favourite Smiths song or him wanting to be an all-round renaissance man (well an actor in pretty poor gangster films) as him losing his mind or being crazy and ignore it when he isn't rapping. when he is rapping, everyone has to acknowledge that he is a supremely skilled rapper at the same time as not fitting into the stereotypical ultra-thug image that corporate america is so desperate to pigeon-hole rappers into fulfilling (because of the ease with which this appeals to suburban white kids (i know, i was one of them)), with a resulting ultimate disregard of the damage this does to communities where drug-dealers (or more pointedly, people pretending to have been drug-dealers) are presented as role-models to aspire to.
(politics!!)

3) i have forgotten point 3. oh yeah, the Whole Foods, beef, tofu bit.

but yeah, there you go. lengthy bollocks about the artistry and beauty of a genre of music that no-one really cares about. still, you can always try and crack one off over that picture of kelis up at the top.

or andre's celebrity photographer playboy photo session

Outkast - Da Art of Storytellin' (Part 1)
Outkast - A Life in the Day of Benjamin Andre (Incomplete)
(thats what the songs called, its not actually incomplete. well it is in that its his life story and it's obviously incomplete in that he's not dead yet..... oh, forget it)
Lloyd feat. Andre 3000 & Nas - You (Remix)

peeeeeeaaaaaaaaaace.
X

2006 in numbers and pictures (and words)

2007-01-06T21:32:00.000Z

Age at end: 22

Emotional age at end: 19

Girls pulled: 3 (i'm counting the girl i pulled LAST new years eve (it began before 12 o'clock but continued after), and the girl i pulled who aborted it after 30 seconds because i was so pissed that i kept swaying from side to side and missing her lips. so that leaves the girl who was so embarassed that she asked someone who took a photo of the magic moment to delete it from their phone. might as well become a fucking eunuch now, mightn't i?)

Girls sha..... fuck it.

Girls who i developed a really massive old school crush on: 1 (it was mint, i had that weird feeling in my stomach when i thought about her, and i couldn't stop myself spouting pure idiocy that in no way reflected my true beliefs on anything when i was with her)

Gigs attended: 3 (pretty poor really; 2x Dirty Pretty Things 1x Robbie Williams)

Number of gigs kicked out of for drunkenly urinating in a hedge and then running away from security: 1 (Robbie Williams; didn't even get to see him on stage.)
(massively fucked up the spacing didn't i?)

Bands formed: 3 (The Mockneys, The Rent Boys, Terror on War)

Bands whose recorded output i have actually contributed to: 0

Bands acrimoniously departed from: 1

Gigs played: 3 (1x house party, 1x lead singer's parent's birthday party, 1x upstairs room of London pub, with audience composed entirely of other band member's friends and family)
Gigs played where i actually managed to play the bass standing up: 1

Gigs played with a plectrum made up of pieces of cut-up HMV loyalty card stuck together with chewing gum: 1

Dramatic drunken falls down staircases at house parties: 1

Incidences of drunken embarassment in front of my extended family: 1

Incidences of drunken embarassment in front of someone elses extended family: 1

Car windows smashed: 1 (with owners permission)

Times picked up off mates kitchen floor by their mum after alcohol/weed induced blackout: 1

Seconds of lieing down after this until i felt 'completely fine': 30

Village pub quizzes won single-handedly whilst caned: 1

Bars kicked out of for drunkenly singing Bristol City songs: 1

Diego Maradona goals witnessed live: 1

Bas Savage goals witnessed live: 1

Physical altercations when drunk: 1 (Ewens tried to bend my fingers back after a lengthy discussion on the roots of England's repeated penalty shootout failures. i haven't tried to start on anyone all year. i'm a lover not a fighter. well, i'm not a fighter anyway)

Incidences of foolish yet spectacular drunken graffiti: 3

Local newspapers foolish yet spectacular drunken graffiti was featured in : 1

Regional news bulletins foolish yet spectacular drunken graffiti was featured on: 1

Days spent hiding in house with curtains drawn, furtively peeking out every time a car drove down our street in case it was the police, following foolish yet spectacular drunken graffiti : 5

Arrests made by Gloucestershire Constabulary following televised plea for help uncovering culprits of foolish yet spectacular drunken graffiti: 0

Weeks spent eating only when i felt faint because of idiotically rash 'financial plan' at university (spend all money in one two month orgy of weed, fruit smoothies and fred perry, panic and starve when all money spent): 2

Mates i got to try weed: 1

Weeks mate spent suffering from tonsilitis after i got him to try weed: 2

Worst facebook profile picture:

Best facebook profile picture:
Impromptu raves in phone-boxes: 1

Russell Brand-inspired attempts at purchasing eye make-up that ended in disaster: 1 (fucking liquid eyeliner. is that a school-girl mistake?)

Famous people met: 1
yes it was through a wire mesh security fence. but it was at soccer aid.

Famous people met, whilst wearing black nail varnish directly inspired by watching them in a film that week: 1
Tattoos: 1
Best haircut (and biggest pout):
Unlikely celebrity inspiration for best haircut:
Worst haircut:
Resolutions for 2007:
peeeeeeeaaaaaaaace xX

Gizzy G vs. Dringo Starr (Txt Beef War Report), part 2.

2006-12-07T20:19:00.000Z

Round 3:
D:
So you think im like treacle that stuffs so fuckin thick,
im smooth like honey baby,
thats why ur mum sucked my dick,
you're right i do wear lynx but aint ck1 for girls,
but then again you rent out ur ass u gotta pay the bills,
its startin to get personal but ur the original mud slinger,
i aint gonna sit back and take fuckin insults off a ginger,
the 'fiti, po-po chasin after u and u beagn to run,
the only thing ur missin out in prison is all the shower fun.

G:
The only rapper alive in touch with his feminine side,
beat u then moisturise,
hands can't touch what u can't see wit ur eyes,
cos u ain't fit to join the kersal massive,
style so messy i use persil massive,
captained u in the thirds,
and now ur dissin?
better play ur position,
and put the mic down,
sound like a right clown,
liverpool fan? u come from churchdown,
imposter, standard homophobic rap posture,
question my sexuality,
ur the one with a prison fantasy,
someones got issues,
another nite in alone u better reach 4 the tissues,
i make girls reach 4 the tissues,
can't fight but i might just nut you,
cut you, just to,
see how long you,
stay blue blooded,
titus bramble,
u ain't got this covered,
so how does it feel to get murked by a ginger?
can't diss ur mum,
its not his fault he fathered a minger.

Final Round:
D:
Your lyrics are a disaster,
the room fills up with laughter,
ur sweatin cos im on stage after,
u see i spit venom,
i don't need to ask girls i jus tell 'em,
they get in my bed and theyre in heaven,
so much so they call me messiah,
i make them so hot it feels like theyre on fire,
u wanna seduce them with a love song,
how bout through the wire,
see you and kanye got a lot in common,
both whining bout how ur video costs a million,
but for all the hype surrounding you,
you're both a fading beacon.

G:
Blow haze for days until my eyes glaze,
float around in a daze and listen to Dre,
don't wanna catch strays,
olympic torch,
u never go out,
u messed about and brought the flow out,
silly motherfucker tried to get gutter,
instead u just stutter,
better send for ur mother cos u got skuppered,
u got the first,
i got the last laugh in,
so i stay laughing,
longest,
my bars are the strongest,
u mite be blazin but im tryna bong this,
made a decision to punish my lungs not my liver,
get on stage u turn all of a quiver,
hope ur not bitter,
but me vs. you was like andy johnson vs. a sitter,
cos ur style is suspicious,
whereas i spit as vicious as i did as a kid off of motorway bridges,
chris, ur ludicrous (ludacris) like chris bridges is,
hair looks like a succession of wigs,
know u talk to the pigs,
so i'll tell u like this,
uckFay ouYay itchBay...
u got rinsed, love Giz. X

Gizzy G vs. Dringo Starr (Txt Beef War Report)

2006-12-05T23:19:00.000Z

Round 1:

D:
Now my rhymes mite not be as tight,
u mite be spittin faster,
but when im comin back at you,
its like a hurricane disaster,
see, you're trying to be all gangsta you strive to own a hummer,
but theres things people dont know bout you,
like you went to a grammar.

G:
Its gutter, we're looking at the stars i mutter,
you brought out your girl and i was like,
'i can't believe she's not butters'
so i mite fuck her,
might even love her,
make her realise her true beauty and hug her,
you'll be sat at home with your mother,
cos i'm donal mcintyre,
you know, bad under cover(s).

(quickly followed by:)
G:
Got no problem with beef cos i love yorkshire pudding,
ur crews like jamie redknapp,
cos they both gotta nurding (nerd in),
uve already been murked but you can have the last word in...
But u can't cos i took your breath away like berlin. X

Round 2:
D:
I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders thats why they call me atlas,
you have half the pressure i do and u'd end up falling backwards,
now this talk of mythology mite be a little advanced,
but i've seen the way you live ur life id get back to smokin plants,
unlike the power rangers ur smokin just ain't mighty,
have two tokes on this shit i've rolled and you bound to end up whitey.

G:
Atlas? More like a year 3,
geography photocopy i had to colour in green,
borrow some blue for the sea,
don't forget a nice key,
that's why you can't fuck with me,
talk bollocks but still kill lyrically,
so you best to leave it treacle,
ur rap styles fecal,
i'll make ur family die in the wrong order like the beatles,
cos ur not fit to lace my drinks,
i'm ck1 ur more like Lynx,
so fly i should get air miles,
i'm shane warne ur ashley giles,
u've never been rude,
don't try to pretend,
want proof? check the bad boys top ten.

we've already talked on the phone and made sure we're gonna keep this lyrical. neither of us are gonna take this to the streets.

Adam is...

2006-06-13T17:58:00.000Z

... considering the psychological impact on adult men of them playing at a very high-level, professionally, and for great personal income and massive adulation, a game which they first began to play as (and have been playing ever since they were) children.

...wishing he could take the place of one of these men.

...in LOVE with the ghanian football team.

...peturbed to discover he might have smoked an ounce pretty much by himself.

...writing a song (welllllllllllllllll) called 'my dad's heroes'

...'the guy who walks in the room with va va voom and compliments your girl's perfume' - Nyke - 'Aim High 3 Freestyle'

...growing increasingly tired of this concept

...reading Nikolay Gogol's 'Dead Souls'. its actually, properly fucking great. i love the author's tone, its so cocky and sardonic.

...growing increasingly convinced, after weeks of diligent research, that his ultimate favourite pure black fruit gums don't exist anymore, the closest to them now being the very very dark red ones.

...feeling mildly ridiculed every time The Zuton's 'Valerie' is on the radio. he is not convinced about ginger imagery in popular music being a good thing, no matter how positive the imagery is. he is, of course, still traumatised by the release of 'remember me' by blue boy in his schooldays.

...off to watch some football. (brazil vs. croatia as it happens).

Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man (prod. DJ Premier)

2006-06-04T15:14:00.000Z

Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man (prod. DJ Premier)

fucking amazing.

peace x x x

press be asking do i care for sodomy, i don't know... probably

2006-04-14T21:35:00.000Z

so yeah, sorry about all the lengthy bollocks about my school career. i guess thats 45 seconds of your life you'll never get back. anyway, i've been away for a few days playing at being a rock'n'roll star. in the end it was very spinal tap. basically the plan was to have a day of rehearsals, then a morning recording a demo before heading down to London to play a gig in a random pub (ok.... an open mic night in a random pub). anyway, everything went swimmingly for about half an hour before nicola, our drummer, locked her keys in the boot of her car before we'd made it to where we were going to rehearse. after an hour of arsing around with locksmiths (who mysteriously won't 'do' car-boots) and 30 seconds of me ominously fingering a brick the decision was made to smash the back three-quarter window with a hammer. i got to do it! it was mint, so fucking satisfying. by the time we'd got everything set up in the hall we were using, we managed about an hour of playing before deciding to call it a day and sodding off, instead we could not bother with the open mic thing and spend the whole of the next day rehearsing and recording.

wrong.

we all awoke bright and early, got to the room, set everything up, ran through 'twist and shout' to warm up and basically arranged another song when all the power went in the hall. we thought we'd blown a fuse, but when we got to the pub we found the whole village had gone. so after a few drinks we went back and noodled around a bit, but it was pretty hard to do much with two electric guitars and no power. and i was a bit tipsy and chainsmoking to keep myself warm too. so in the end we called the whole thing off. we did manage to record a few very rough bits and bobs to help us practice with in owen's bedroom, so it wasn't a complete disaster. and i had an absolutely wicked time anyway.

The Flaming Lips - Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Song
i fucking love this song. the video's brilliant too, i saw it for the first time these last few days, me and owen were watching it and you know how you watch something which starts to turn nastier and darker and you know its going to end with an image thats going to scar you for life but you can't bring yourself to turn it off, so you keep watching it just to see what will happen. well, the video for this song sets itself up perfectly to be one of those things, but don't worry, its got a lovely ending, so make sure you watch it.
on the whole terrible images that stay with you forever (and to sort of try and boast on that subject) i saw the eyeball scene from un chien andalou when i was about 13, it was in this documentary about oliviero toscani that i taped and watched, its quite weird my mind has almost blanked it out but never quite managed it, but i managed to forget just about everything else around the image, it was only last week (after about 7 years of back-of-the-mind agonising) that i found out it was from un chien andalou, and that it was a dead calf's eyeball and everything was ok. i might watch it again now. the other thing that really stuck with me from this documentary was this clip they showed from a short film that may have been made by toscani or someone else, which involved the most horrific images filmed during the war in the balkans, with triumphant piece of popular classical music being played over the top (i forget what music now), then superimposed over the images were scrolling bars of text which just listed expensive western brandnames like 'bennettoncalvinkleinsonyarmanidolceandgabanna' continuosly. it was just incredibly simple and powerful and moving and (probably) life-changing. i wish i could find out who made it. before i steal the idea.

Rihanna - S.O.S.
so yeah this song is just mint, everytime i hear it on the radio i love it even more. i wish i was a dj in an indie club so i could play this and watch everyone be forced to dance to it just because it fucking rocks and is really dirty and dark and stompy.

Mainstream R'n'B 1 - 0 Boring Pub Rock Bollocks Indie Music

Pink - Stupid Girls
i hate the new Pink song. the first part of my hatred is devolved from the fact that shes claiming that the song is some form of 'anthem' for young girls everywhere. i hate to break this to you love, but its not is it? its the first single off your new album and you hope that its going to sell lots and lots of copies. beyond this the whole point of the song is massively skewed. 'oh, aren't paris hilton and lindsay lohan terrible', well to be honest it'd be a lot more interesting, clever and accurate if Pink was to have a go the blatant institutional sexism within the male-dominated mainstream media that colours the way that women like lohan and paris hilton are presented. plus 'mean girls' is just really fucking good isn't? and wasn't pink on the soundtrack to that? can't she go back to making songs like this...
Pink - Just Like A Pill

I Monster - Daydream In Blue
its the one off the ford focus advert, yeah i hate myself for knowing it like that too.

Rick Ross - Hustlin'
so hip-hop about dealing drugs has reached its (il)logical conclusion, this is a motion picture rather than anything reflecting reality ('i know pablo, i know noriega'), but its still just earth-destroyingly monolithic. so yeah, its really good, but completely morally vapid. the man's named after the bloke who worked in conjunction with the c.i.a. to flood inner-city communities with crack for fuck's sake. i sometimes wonder whether loads of the hip-hop thats coming out at the moment is equivalent to rap's 'hair-metal' period. you know, essentially empty, wildly over-the-top and critically despised in the near future. but brilliant fun too. so there you go, the diplomats or rick ross = motley crue or poison

Re-Up Gang - Re-Up Intro
so this is still the most exciting piece of music i've got on my computer. ok, so thats hyperbole, but i got the instrumental today (it's from the intro to ludacris' 'red light district' album if you're interested) and i really want to use that as the the music which we come on stage to, like i'll just plug a cd player into my amp instead of my bass, turn it up really loud, light up a fag, start mumbling the odd rhythmic non sequitur into the microphone, then nicola comes on and starts adding her own drum pattern on top of the beat before owen finally comes on and starts riffing about over the top, and it all builds into a massive crescendo of chaos and noise and danger. and then we stop and become an indie band.

so, i've written a load today haven't i. sorry about that.

peace x x x x x

free porn! http://undertharadar.blogspot.com/

people are fragile things, you should know by now

2006-04-13T21:36:00.000Z

what i wanted to look like when i grew up (age 15)

i was feeling very maudlin this evening.

last friday i had an amazing day, afternoon drinking with rach (did well until about 5 o'clock when it all went sideways) followed by a night of dancing like someone with no self-awareness to drum'n'bass. in idiotically tight trousers. anyway, the early hours of saturday morning involved a discussion about bad stuff people had done at school; i kept shtum, i couldn't really think of an appropriately legitamately naughty yet ultimately playful bit of bad behaviour. the next day i spent wandering around my garden sweating, mumbling and carting about the bits of dismembered conifer produced after my dad came round to try a bit of amateur tree surgery. my thoughts were kept occupied by the discussion of the night before. ultimately, after an attempted post on here that deteriorated into a 20-paragraph skree about my time at Sir Thomas Rich's i came to the conclusion that unfortunately the worst stuff i did at Tommies wasn't that good-natured or funny but really a bit nasty (well..... some of it was hilarious). anyway, i've kind of been thinking about my school days and that at the back of my mind for the rest of this week (which has been pretty hectic in itself (but more on that tomorrow)). this evening i randomly remembered the list of things i wanted to do in my life that i made when i was 14 and i fancied digging it out to see how many i've actually achieved (i can remember all my friends thinking i was mental back then because i wanted to try smoking weed). so i went up to the attic and had a trawl amongst the debris of my parents divorce. i did manage to find one box of school books, so i grabbed that and spent the evening looking through them.

the main thing that struck me was how blatantly i stopped giving a fuck in year 11. exercise books generally had to be handed in weekly and all my ones preceding year 11 looked nice and tidy despte their inevitably half-arsed contents, but a switch was clearly flipped in my final year at Tommies:
julie was my history teacher's first name in case you were wondering. the work inside is even better; one sentence essays ('Who do you think started the Reichstag fire?' I think that the Reichstag fire was started by the Nazis.), answers that reference Lloyd George's lack of livesaving swimming certificates and James Hunt's 1976 Formula One World Championship and my favourite, a speech by Lenin written entirely in the style of The Rock from the WWF:
'Let me tell you.... Lenin wipes the monkey's ass with what you think!'

most of the exercise books reflect the amount of my schoolday that was spent thinking about really important stuff, like lists of 'people i think are fit but ola doesn't' (donna air and kelis figure prominently) and constant reworkings of my definitive 10 fittest women in the world list:
frighteningly two of the people in this list are dead now.
otherwise i was writing rhymes:

violence must be stopped/
kill all the violent people you know/
go outside with a knife and hunt myself in the snow/
the victim and the killer, i'm a film on my own

i carry a porn mag/
inside of my school bag/
so if you see me in french at my bench looking happy/
i'm not studying adverbs, i'm studying jackie
(can still remember my mum reading that and bollocking me)

pedigree like triple h/
you're a big man but you're out of shape/
i get carter on your back/
ever since i was a twinkle in my father's eye i was strapped/
i blew everyone to get my rap career started/
so don't think i'ma do this half-hearted/
who am i?/
i'm white and do acid/
not eminem, i'm a good-looking bastard/
so i don't have to rap to get ladies/
women all over the world having ginger-haired babies
(that was the second rhyme i ever wrote, i did it english in year 10, whats sad is that its better than anything i could come up with now)

parodies of amateur pornographic fiction involving fishfingers:
i went to the toliet to do this and when i returned with the dripping fishstick John lovingly sucked off the salty breadcrumbs and swallowed the white succulent fish inside whole

typical marks:

i even found the 'scorecard' i made after the evening where i got pissed and tried weed for the first time. it was all courtesy of this lad called spreece, who somehow saw enough of something in me to initiate me into all that, despite the fact that i was naive enough to actually believe that we were going to go to 'the cinema' like we told our parents. 24 carat legend. i actually saw him on friday night, check out his band's myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/THEARCANEBAND

so i suppose that brings it all about full circle doesn't it?

i just really wish i could go back and do it all again.
Ghostface Killah - Child's Play

i also found this that i wrote about myself when i was 10ish:
it makes me think two things;
1) i thank the good lord that i read 'the secret diary of adrian mole' and managed to banish the anal retentive tendencies that are surfacing in this (the inverted commas around 'let myself go'..........how embarassing)
2) i think 10-year old adam would be pretty happy with 21-year old adam.

so yeah, this bloody song kept going round and round my head the whole time i was flicking through my past:
Editors - Munich

but as i said at the top, i was feeling maudlin after all this. especially because, to be honest, i'm having a fucking nightmare at university. but then amongst all the detritus of my family's past was a bag full of my old clothes; my first bristol city shirt, the liverpool shirt i bought on impulse after seeing steve mcmanaman and robbie fowler destroy crystal palace 6-1, a mint western samoa rugby shirt my uncle kim gave me. so there's no big motto about feelings or anything to finish this off, but finding some cool clothes is enough to make me happy.

peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaacccceeeeeee.
x
x

Ali G - In Da House

2006-03-30T16:59:00.000Z

'KEEP IT REAL! KEEP IT REAL!'

and so, the mantra ali chants with his gangsta little cub scout group and which is writ through the film like the film itself (going to see it at the cinema with ed on the way home from tom russ' historic house party after resuming drinking at 9 that morning, crying everytime east and west staines unite to blow open the acting-Prime Minister's safe, attempting to get jiggy to the soundtrack album) is writ-through my turbulent late-adolescence (i calculate my emotional age now from the time when i emotionally entered puberty; therefore when i was aged 16, i had the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. by these calculations i am currently 18). i can see myself in the future forcing my young children to chant along with me, ali g style, 'KEEP IT REAL! KEEP IT REAL!', either before they head off to school if i can be bothered to get up that early or alternatively when they are presented before me, victorian-style, to remind me what they look like, before they head off to bed. sure, they'll get to about 10 or 11 and start to get embarassed about doing it and we'll stop, but i'll remind them i'm going to keep keeping it real until such a time as they begin to look back goldenly on their childhood. and then i'll txt them 'KEEP IT REAL' on monday mornings before heading off to work bumping T.I. in the car as loud as muthafucking possible.

T.I. - What You Know
New Order - Your Silent Face

and of course a re-up of those grindie tracks i posted the other day, they're all together in this folder with that streets track and the extra-special bonus of 'always' by bon jovi.

Grindie Tracks

the most beautiful gift in this world is music. the most beautiful thing i have seen this week was Arsenal's football against juventus. i might start posting up 'henry please stay' graffiti like they did at the city with the 'akinbiyi please stay' stuff, he needs to stay in this country, he makes it a better place for all of us (except spurs fans obviously, but they'll always be moody bastards anyway). the most precious possesion i have is my bass guitar (erm, and my computer). the amount of dirty washing i'm going to take home to my mum this weekend is zero. thats a gisborne guarantee.

i'm refusing to download the new streets album, i need to preserve some levels of excitement in my life.

watching twenty-four party people tonight, and then tomorrow i can have a shave and end my herbally-assisted sabbitical from normal engagement with humanity. with a night out at oceana.

peace x x (bit too much pout in that last picture maybe)

brian jones went to my school.

2006-03-21T17:27:00.000Z

i just watched 'the aristocrats'. it was shite. i mean less funny than 'little britain'. less funny than 'keeping mum' (the bbc sitcom) and 'a prince among men' (ditto). i think it must be an american thing. i am now kind of worried that i have no sense of humour. i haven't wanted to stop watching a film by the time it got to half way for ages. i spent half an hour after watching it obsessively googling '"aristocrats isn't funny"' to see if i was the only person on the planet who didn't find it hilarious. i now want everyone i know to watch it and find it unfunny so i'm not all on my own. and to think i lost 5% of an essay mark to watch it.

mind you i just googled "a prince among men" on the bbc website and got something about "perfect world", that paul kaye comedy. i used to love that show! so theres some form of happy ending. or something. lock off.

X

I’m gasping for air, surrounded by rosy cheeks, chinos and curly hair, on the wrists of their fists African beads from when they went travelling there

2006-03-17T22:19:00.000Z

so my termly letters about tutorial non-attendance are starting to drift in. the university keeps sending me letters (well, i'm expecting my 5th next week) saying;
'failure to attend tutorials is often a strong indication that a student is experiencing difficulties with either their course or other aspects of their life at university.'
well you've sent me 5! what more indication do you want! surely its clear by now that i'm not waving, i'm drowning.

its weird, at university its so easy to just hide yourself in the numbers and slip through the cracks. like if you do modules outside your school; don't sign up for tutorials, then you don't have to go to any and you won't even get these suprisingly polite letters telling you off for not going, they seem to have no way of checking up. i mean, why don't they have a register at lectures? really, its not rocket science is it? miss 30% of your lectures and you fail. grades would go through the roof. there's independent learning and then there's the university not giving a flying fuck as long as the county council keeps paying my cheques.

Download Roll Deep - Creeper Volume 1 (from Logan Sama)

Its the Grindie special!

Art Brut - Emily Kane (Why Lout? Remix)
this is brilliant, clever and funny and conceptually spot-on emceeing. yeah.
The Rakes - 22 Grand Job (Lethal Bizzle Remix)
this is an official version rather than one cheekily ripped off Living Legends Vol.1 (unfortunately the 'cunt's are censored (so to speak))
Test Icicles featuring Lethal Bizzle, Fumin 2Face, Ozzie B, Knowledge and Scary Whizzkid - Boa Vs. Python (Statik Remix)
Test Icicles featuring Ruff Sqwad and Statik - Catch It! (Jitset Remix)
bass. i love ruff sqwad.
Lethal Bizzle - Fire (Test Icicles Remix)
bizarre. the verses sound hard as fuck then you have the lamest chorus ever.
btw, all these tunes (except the Art Brut one) are on itunes so if you really like them, get them legally too. i mean i know record companies rip off artists to a far greater extent than downloaders do, but still, it is ruff sqwad. and given the teeny-tiny nature of grime there is the off-chance that they'll pop round and bring arms house to your mum's house.

special bonus, the greatest ever Streets song:
The Streets - Streets Score
this is so truthful, so real, i can see why it hasn't been on any streets album:
'i'm a fake, i don't live the streets, but theres only so many hours in the day and i use them to make beats'

neway, more music than words today.

peace
x
x
x

my towel smells off weed, i guess i've had another wasted week

2006-03-11T20:30:00.000Z

only thing left is jail, death, or a record deal.

so thats a bit melodramatic. but it has come down to me in my room steadily hitting poppers and smoking joints (that are mainly golden virginia and desperation rather than anything worth inhaling) lurking across people's facebook profiles. and drinking miller beer because it was £2.99 for a four pack and i figured i might just be able to get pissed enough on a combination of that and what was still rotting in my stomach from last night to float through today.

still, match of the days on 2 and a half hours.

so last night was fucked. i can't really say too much, but it was kind of like living through all the cringing moments from both series of the office (and the christmas specials) compressed into half an hour in my kitchen. and then we all went out to ocean and i chain-smoked my way through the complete university cheese oeuvre.

i had quite a messed up realisation the other day. that if i ever did gain a love-life more involved than trying to make eye contact with women on buses the girl involved would literally not ever be able to cope with going out with me. like i cannot imagine any sort of relationship lasting more than 3 hours. it would be a fucking nightmare for her:
bass and band practice all over the place, my utter lack of self-control in just about any situation involving intoxicating substances, the fact that everytime we left the house i'd be trying to upstage her sartorially, the fact that i spend all day in bed, the fact that if i've had a heavy night i can resist the urge to shower until i've spent three days in my baggy trackies masturbating and drinking chicken soup with crisps in it, my utter contempt for mindless tv shows, my complete inability to sit and watch a film in company without getting bored after the first five minutes, the fact that it takes me 2 hours to get ready to go out (1 hour in the shower, half an hour straightening my hair, 29 minutes listening to 'what you know' and 'put you on the game' and 1 minute doing everything else), my relentless taste in music which would stop us from ever having 'our own song' because i'd feign boredness of it three months before its release date, the fact that i seem to spend most of my free time when not wanking getting caned and watcing grime dvds, peep show and major sporting events, the fact that i cry in films and at tv programmes (x-factor, crash even bloody 'the air up there' (kevin bacon basketball film: i always go when the lad's brother comes out and says 'i want to play for winabi'), the fact that i'm always late, the fact that i've given up all semblance of creative cooking in favour of microwave meals with cloying 'healthy' labels all over them, the fact that i have toothaste stains all over my bed sheets, the fact that i'm doing my best to start smoking, my constant stupid petty political arguments with george, my frankly nasal speaking voice. football manager. my behaviour during competitive pro evo matches. the fact that i douse every type of meal in half a side of balsamic and half a side of sarsons vinegar (a dynamic intermingling of flavours). the fact that i want to call my son famous. fuck. ing. hell. see, i don't see how i can turn all that around. i've still got january up on my wall calendar for fuck's sake. (its the arena calendar though and its a mint picture of rachel stevens, by far the best one). i have spent like 6 months signing into msn without ever doing anything other than 'appear offline'. someone needs to sort their life out. still at least i've pinpoited a reason not to be depressed about being a singleton: my current stage of human development means its better for all concerned if i'm single at the moment.

what ever happened to 'hey ya'? i used to turn off the radio when my family were in the car after that song finished because i reasoned that it was the best song ever made and nothing else would ever top it; so why diminish its majesty when we could just sit here in silence and contemplate the acheivement of andre 'ice cold' 3000 in making it? its like the ultimate nightclub and radio taboo song at the moment. even gary glitter gets more play/ incidentally, in the video for 'hey ya' i'm the keyboard player (metaphorically speaking of course). the one who can't bear to make eye contact with the fit girls in the audience.

i am also watching far too much peep show. its fucking with my head.

yeah, neway i'm gonna go and tape that stravinsky programme thats on in a while. sorry no pictures or music, internet connection is wank.

peace x x x

p.s. im not depressed or nuttin', just taking a dispassionate view of my life as a 21 year-old waster. don't worry i'm still conceited - and i've got a reason.

(to be conceited)

(my face)

i was thinkin about asking her home, i guess thats unforgivable like diddy's cologne

2006-03-08T20:54:00.000Z

better than gritish bas.

don't want to dominate this place of pictures of me and that. but still, twas the formal the other day and i wore the £1.50 three-piece charity shop suit i've been trying to get the b.o. smell out of for years (i remember an uncomfortable day at school after once trying to get away with wearing it. the glade i liberally applied to the armpits wore off. i kept my hands clamped violently to my sides all day). anyway over the summer i just shoved it in the washing machine and the smell was gone! (at least i really hope it was, i mean i've got quite a blocked nose at the moment). but yeah.
my ego is actually alarming at types, i think my brain has started to orbit around it.

and heres a picture to prove i don't just get dressed up and wank over my own on-screen image. i actually have friends. really:

spent the afternoon proof-reading a mates essay. i fucking loved going through it with him! quite like the master-pupil relationship. discussing our opinions and him realising i was right after all. maybe i could become like some form of life-coach.

i did have a genius business idea today: a combined nightclub and hotel (with obvious deep soundproofing on the hotel side). like you'd be able to go straight to bed after the club without having to go home or anything. and if you were single you could gamble on pulling and book a room in advance. a bit like a more upmarket version of taking your toothbrush out with you in that instance. (or at least you would ensure a nice comfortable venue for the wank of self-pity. and porn). think about it and if you can think of a single reason that this would be the slightest bit completely unworkable please leave a comment.

facebook is the bane of my life. and also one of the best things to happen to it recently.

music:
Daz Sampson - Teenage Life
Chris Brown - Yo (Excuse Me Miss) (Black Chiney One Drop Remix)
this is just amazing.

gonna watch about a boy now. safe.
X

if you happen to brush shoulders with me by accident, play lotto, 9 out of 10 times you gon' win

2006-02-23T22:32:00.000Z

i was out the other evening,
i said to this girl; 'i'll pull anything breathing',
she said '..........................',
i said 'what's wrong are you deaf?',
she said 'nah, i'm just holding my breath'.

so the beinginaband stuff continues and dat. rehearsal tomorrow. with a drummer!

missing a seminar for it. welllllllllllllllllllllll.

music i'm listening to: (do you care?)
Cam'ron - I Love My Life (clearly nicked straight off the video) (but still lovely)
Missy Elliott - Can't Stop (quite rude) (utterly banging)
Mark Ronson feat. Alex Greenwald - Just (full quality version)

peace!
x
x

the VK and the damage done

2006-02-18T15:01:00.000Z

turns out drunkeness, extreme self-regard and a webcam aren't a winning combination. still, at least i didn't get my cock out.

X

B.A.T.T.E.R.E.D.

2006-02-18T04:22:00.000Z

well...

how fucking cool am i?
(not very)

best brits moment.

2006-02-16T21:11:00.000Z

boy george presents kanye west with an award. kanye quite deliberately goes out of his way to give boy george a hug. thats a very big little gesture for hip-hop.

one love x x x

rather be a chav than a student

2006-02-16T18:50:00.000Z

so the biggest news for me this week.... the other half of lil' wayne's album has leaked! this probably won't make much sense to most people, but basically all the songs he did with this bloke called mannie fresh (who he's worked with for years) got taken off his masterpiece 'the carter 2', released last year, because mannie left their recording home; cash money records. but now these lost tracks have leaked as 'The Carter 2.5' (try http://thesmokingsection.blogspot.com) and they're brilliant in their own right:

Lil Wayne - Untitled
Lil Wayne - Ain't Got Time
Lil Wayne - Move To Miami
'Untitled' is the nostalgic, tough growing up, slow, emotional track that hip-hop does better than any form of music. because its a celebration bitches! its utterly gorgeous. then 'ain't got time' and hood rich are typical of the rest of both the original 'carter 2' and this new selection as they're fully-formed soundscapes for wayne to spit his breathless, young man prematurely-aged delivery over, rather than simply beats. so he's the bestest rapper in the whole wide world who isn't called wiley (sorry kano).

wiley says:
can't test me or Skepta,
come to your ends like Achilles and take out Hector,
do you even know the meaning of war,
try and clash me and get carried out on a stretcher,
i wear Nike, don't wear Acupunctures or Skechers,
i'm known for blowing up sectors,
i went college but i didn't turn up to no lectures,
i'll still make it i betcha.
( WD25)

other than, my personally most exciting shit has surrounded the fact that i'm definetly in a band! whoo! so the stuff with that lad i've been intermittently referring to on here has come off, i went round his the other day and we just chatted for ages about music and stuff and though we disagree on a few minor points (he can't see that robbie williams won the oasis/robbie conflict) we both get aggy about the same things so we've got a healthy base of righteous anger to build on. ganangster.

did i mention i'm going to see robbie at wembley this september?
brrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaapppp!

other shit:
Underworld - Two Months Off (Radio Edit)
T.I. - What You Know Video
so i think i've got some sort of purpose to my life now. feels good.

oh yeah this was in the independent today, good old johann hari:
It's one rule for the Cameron's...
David Cameron is expecting more than one kind of baby bounce this week. Now his wife Samantha, pictured right, has delivered the latest mini-Dave, we can expect a flurry of soft-focus features about how the Camerons cope with their severely disabled four year-old Ivan – but there’s a hard political coda to this violin concerto.

As an economically secure child of millionaires with a super-sympathetic boss – the Tory whips – Cameron has been able to take as much time off as he needs to. But tens of thousands of parents of disabled children – mostly stuck in miserable minimum wage jobs – aren’t so lucky. They can’t rearrange their work hours after a night sitting up with a screaming child-in-agony or rush off to urgent hospital appointments without risking the sack.

But when the government proposed to give them this right in law – by making flexitime for parents of disabled kids mandatory – Cameron condemned it as “a burden on business”, and voted to strike the proposals down. It’s the same old Tory philosophy – freedom for People Like Us, and market discipline for the lower orders.
taken from:
http://www.johannhari.com/archive/article.php?id=805

fuck david cameron and thats on my life. (sometimes i forget that my life isn't a snoop dogg diss tune)

peace!

p.s. how big is the new streets tune?

pithy title

2006-02-09T15:05:00.000Z

no apologies. no concessions to coolness. what a fucking song:
Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Goin' Down

having spent a whole day practicing i can now almost play the bass line to 'listen' by the clash.

i'm going to go to a gig! and i'm excited by the prospect! gonna see Dirty Pretty Things at Rock City sometime in may. is rock'n'roll dead? maybe its just in intensive care.

what a suprisingly upbeat post this is.

:)

x x x x

still reading about post-punk. 'Rip It Up' by Simon Reynolds. neway my favourite little bit today just touches on terry hall seeing through 'the mod fantasy'. but neway the description of the 'mod fantasy' is my favourite bit:
'dressing well as the best revenge over your social superiors'
i just like that idea of their fashion as an explicitly political gesture. i'd never really understood that part of it before. i like it.

form is temporary, class is permanent

2006-02-08T23:55:00.000Z

eeeeaasy. so the following was written on monday evening when i was really ill and fucked up on medicine and then smoked to see what would happen. fuck it thats my excuse and im sticking to it. i kind of passed out before i could publish:

every musician wants to sing a song about football now. prove how real they are.

Noam Chomsky on 'the role that sports play in the society in de-politicizing people':

I have the habit when I'm driving of turning on these radio call-in programs, and it's striking when you listen to the ones about sports. They have these groups... of experts on a panel, and people call in and have discussions with them... The striking fact is, the callers have a tremendous amount of expertise, they have detailed knowledge... they carry on these extremely complex discussions. And strikingly, they're not at all in awe of the experts... In most parts of the society, you're encouraged to defer to the experts... in this area, people don't seem to do it... the fact is that in this domain, people some how feel quite confident, and they know a lot - there's obviously a great deal of intelligence going into it.
In our society, we have things that you might use your intelligence on, like politics, but people really can't get involved in them in a very serious way - so what they do is they put their minds into other things, such as sports. You're trained to be obedient; you don't have an interesting job; there's no work around for you to be creative; in the cultural environment you're a passive observer of usually pretty tawdry stuff; political and social life are out of your range, they're in the hands of the rich folks. So what's left? Well one thing that's left is sports... And i suppose that's also one of the basic functions it serves in the society in general: it occupies the population, and keeps them from trying to get involved with things that really matter. In fact, I presume that's part of the reason why spectator sports are supported to the degree they are by the dominant institutions.
And spectator sports also have other uselful functions too. For one thing, they're a great way to build up chauvinism - you start by developing these totally irrational loyalties early in life, and they translate very nicely to other areas... This sense of irrational loyalty to some sort of meaningless community is training for subordination to power, and for chauvinism. And of course, you're looking at gladiators, you're looking at guys who can do things you couldn't possibly do... But it's a model you're supposed to try to emulate. And they're gladiators fighting for your cause, so you've got to cheer them on, and you've got to be happy when the opposing quaterback gets carried off the field a total wreck and so on. All of this builds up extremely anti-social aspects of human psychology. I mean, they're there; there's no doubt that they're there. But they're emphasized, and exaggerated, and brought out by spectator sports: irrational competition, irrational loyalty to power systems, passive acquiescence to quite awful values, really. In fact it's hard to imagine anything that contributes more fundamentally to authoritarian attitudes than this does, in addition to the fact that it just engages a lot of intelligence and keeps people away from othe things.

Noam Chomsky - Understanding Power (2003) p.99-100
(never get away with a footnote like that in an essay)

electric corkscrews,
riots over cartoons,
i flick straight to the sports news,
religion's the opium,
i guess thats not true,
as long as england don't lose,
i've got no issues,
joey barton's dispute gets more views,
than anything his cousin might do,
so rupert murdoch,
keep pumping your stock,
thru my set top,
and i won't care what you got,
in store for me,
(i realise Noam Chomsky put this far more eloquently)

because Sky Sports News abuse, keeps us all confused

don't get it twisted. i'm saying this as a man that knows more football than anyone else i've ever met. all truth. i've commentated on a Cheltenham Town game muthafuckers! i've played at Wembley, i won my schools fantasy football competition, the captain of Pate's only 3rd XI football team, reader of Lee Chapman, Neil Ruddock, Gavin Peacock and Steve Claridge autobiographies, Diego Maradona defender down to my official Le Coq Sportif 1986 Number 10 Argentina shirt, Bristol City fan since days of Andy Cole, Rothmans reader, play-by-mail Manager, nutmegger of Kylle Colquhoun, Championship and then Football Manager addict from CM2 (which i've just reinstalled on my computer for retro gaming fun... Becks for 750k, vialli on a free! Savio for 9m (?!)). anyway, you can't test. i'm out like sol campbell.

'One Size' Fitz Hall.

gizzle x x x
East 17 - Deep

(our relationship is hampered,
i've taken so much shit you should call me pampers)

yeah so this is wednesday adam again. i'm sorry about all that. it must have some value. maybe not.....
Jaheim - I Chose You
sublime.

peace xXx

the next morning we woke, he couldn't have been a nicer bloke, over breakfast made jokes, about Dre and his homies and folks

2006-02-06T13:30:00.000Z

easy. so i went off on one at 2 in the morning. well, it seemed reasonable, well thought out and cogent then. bit weird though, when i think about them a lot, race issues trouble me. like last summer i spent ages working out an argument about why i shouldn't listen to rock'n'roll or hip-hop or dance music but should listen to folk and classical otherwise i was complicit in the highjacking of black culture for profit. i hate the fact that i become more aware of race the older i get. like literally when i was 13 or 14 i actually didn't notice the colour of someones skin at school, now it is something i notice. i dunno. lock off.

so i was wrong about just about everything to do with celebrity big brother. so sue me. i still love jodie marsh.

its been time since i last posted on here. since then i've done my exams and, well, thats about all i've managed to acheive in concrete terms since my last post. other than that i've basically been caned off my face for the last week and a bit. i think that was my post-exam blow-out. but less exciting. getting up at 12, watching a film, having a spliff, watching another film, having a few more spliffs, watching a grime dvd, more spliffs, crap tv and then a long, slightly bizarre wank before bed. it does get me down that no-one in my house smokes (unless they're pissed and then everyone wants a fucking puff) but yeah, i'm rambling. basically that was my way of completely obliterating the stress of exams from my head.

reasons why i will not be going out tonight:
1)i have cold
2)fucked sleep patterns
3)i won't pull
4)shit music at oceana
5)dancing limited to jumping up and down in a circle
6)club crammed to such a point that it takes half an hour to get a drink

fuck me i'm cheerful.

our house got robbed last monday. i didn't get anything nicked apart from a bag of weed. chris, claire and george lost their laptops and george lost his ps2. they even went as far as kicking in my bedroom door before deciding they didn't fancy any of my stuff. actually i tell a lie, my memory card was in the playstation.... I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FINISH GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS NOW, YOU BASTARDS!

oh, one more thing. i read a while back about this woman's theory about the pace of history increasing. i just tried searching for it on google but i can't find anything. neway this was really brought home to me by the fact that the NME described the Artic Monkeys as 'the band of your generation', and although this is only the third most stupid Artic Monkeys-related thing the NME has printed in recent weeks (10 out of 10 album review? the 5th greatest british album? (also what was the point in simply evaluating british albums? bizarrely jingositic and also even more pointless than those 'greatest album' lists normally are. although that list did actually have a point; it was simply another way of reinforcing this mythic idea of the british rock renaissance. with the artic monkeys at the forefront. fucking face it, its all dead, its all hideously white (cheers greg dyke) and its all been done a million times before. the artic monkeys; great lyrics, shit name, the usual pub-rock bollocks. i don't know. i'm supposed to be joining a band but how can i be in a band and talk about the death of rock'n'roll? how do i square the fact that i want to be in a band just like the libertines with the fact that in my heart of hearts i know thats all redundant and that it needs to be replaced wit something new and fresh and free of restrictions. doesn't help that i've been reading lots about post-punk, the last time that rock'n'roll was truly free of any pre-conceived ideas. i have got this hare-brained idea of a band playing over the top of hip-hop and grime beats, like if a rapper can turn someone else's beat into a completely different song then why couldn't a band do something different over the top too?? anyway end of brackets and back to what i was originally saying). i was just like 'the artic monkeys aren't the band of my generation, the libertines were'. so does that mean my generation has already had its day. probably. anyway i've done enough waffling. but i don't read the NME until they put roll deep on the cover. and they should do. they've put goldie lookin' chain on the cover. they've even had the others (shudder). they put the libertines on the cover before they released a single. yet roll deep, the most important grime crew on the underground, who have produced a critically acclaimed album, had several hit singles, contain some of the best rappers in britain if not the world, as well as wiley, a bona-fide musical genius and creator of an entire genre of music can't get a look in. nor can kano. and don't give me bollocks about this not being the NME's style of music, goldie lookin' chain are, after all, a hip-hop act. although they are also, after all, white. all this stuff especially peeves me when the NME is always the first to rush to create some non-existent new 'scene' (thamesbeat? all that shroomadelica bollocks?) yet continues to ignore the most thriving actual musical 'scene' in the country. fuck off. i'm all angry now.

some music, to cheer me up:

The Rakes - 22 Grand Job (Lethal Bizzle Remix)
Brazen - Aim High 3 Freestyle
Wiley - WD25
Mobb Deep feat. 50 Cent - The Infamous
Lupe Fiasco - A Bathing Harry
Pet Shop Boys - The Night I Fell In Love (the only song in the world about having a one-night stand with eminem? proof hasn't done one has he?)

i've been listening to the Pet Shop Boys loads recently. i bought their greatest hits on a whim and its fucking top. although the fact that i enjoy high-kicking my way around the house to 'Can You Forgive Her' does worry me somewhat.

i've had enough.

peace x x x

p.s. i saw bas savage score

p.p.s. perhaps the real reason i want to be in a band rather than a rapper is its just easier. rapping is too meritocratic and i can't be arsed to work hard enough. plus i favour equality of outcome over equality of opportunity.

rant

2006-02-06T02:00:00.000Z

bit of a bizarre and abrupt way to return to this page, i'm sorry. but neway, you know the drill, got a lecture early monday morning but my sleep pattern is so fucked from the weekend (ok, the whole week) that i don't have a prayer of getting to sleep anytime before 4. so i'm just lying in bed ranting, the 4 things i would most like to change about my friends at uniuversity:

1)more of them would be girls
2)they would take more drugs
3)they would be less racist
4)they would come from a wider variety of backgrounds

over the last few hours of tossing and turning its point 3 that really bothers me the most. i was amazed when i got to university at the really fucking casual, almost-1970's style of racism that persisted. you know the completely nonsensical, absolutely-unfunny-but-people-still-feel-obliged-to-chuckle-like-a-moron-at kind. like i was stunned that when we were out after dark people would tell my asian mate to smile so they could see him. thats the kind of shit you read about in books.

the other day i really came close to having a right fucking go at someone for it. everyone knows that it pisses me off, and i do pipe up every now and again to remind them but i was properly close to just completely breaking it down to someone.

this is how its been playing out in the dream sequence in my head:

anonymous mate (i'll call him A) to asian friend about some sporting activity: pity you're black otherwise you would have done better with that
me: oi! anonymous! what the fuck are you on about. what the fuck are you doing coming into my house talking that shit. you sound like a fucking cunt. firstly, what you said made absolutely no sense and wasn't in the slightest bit amusing. secondly, i know you don't actually believe the fact that white people are in some way superior to other races, so why the fucking jokes? especially as your slack-jawed nonsense serves to quietly reinforce such fucked up notions. its a pathetic characteristic that you have assumed to ingratiate yourself with others. when you first met (asian friend) you didn't say 'alright you black bastard' so why the fuck would you start saying that shit once you got to know him? maybe if you want to get laid you should start acting like a fucking grown man instead of a racist moron. do u think that shit actually impresses anyone? and finally before you make any fucking excuses about how (asian friend) 'doesn't mind' i said all this for my own benefit, it fucking offends me and i don't want you coming into this house talking that shit. especially when i know you're far more intelligent than that. cunt.

yeah, i think that pretty much elucidates how i feel about this particular matter, particularly at this time in the morning. and beware 'anonymous' next time i hear that shit from you, you'll probably be hearing that back from me verbatim.

normal service will be resumed shortly.

x
x
x

p.s. and it isn't like taking the piss out of me for being ginger or some other characteristic. when people get searched or arrested or refused jobs just because they're ginger, then you can make that comparison. you twat.

lets sift through the haze of the last seven days

2006-01-07T19:35:00.000Z

daaaamn homie. in secondary school i was the maaaaaan homie.

quite an eventful week. by my ridiculously mediocre standards anyway. turned out i didn't really have a cold or MRSA, instead it was a pretty mild case of the flu. unfortunately, i didn't go completely delirious like i did when i had the flu when i was 13. that time i overdosed on willard price books and at midnight burst into my parents' bedroom shouting at them to get the boat rigged for our voyage. i still have a distinct mind's-eye memory of spinning round and round on the spot in my bedroom going on and on about visiting the volcano. must've scared the shit out of my parents. although they probably also wished they had a camcorder. perhaps i boiled my brain and have never been the same since. neway, i have however been a bit mentally unstable this week.

the flu didn't really hit until tuesday though. on monday i went to the match with my dad. city stuffed wallsall 3-0. i haven't seen them play that well for about two years. lovely football and our new manager gary johnson has picked up a few characters too. a brazilian goalkeeper called adriano basso who wears white boots and does continual shuttle runs about his area when the ball isn't in our half. and of course, bas savage. i'd heard about bas before monday, my dad had got txts from people at city games telling us about the blundering of our new 6-foot-5 striker so we weren't sure what to expect. before the match some people were describing him as the worst player they'd ever seen for city. sure enough his first few touches weren't all that and brought ironic cheers from the city fans. then he started to get into the game. now everytime he got the ball the whole crowd was willing him on; 'go on baz!'. everytime he did something good (which became more and more frequent) he got an ovation and people all over were laughing as he embarassed the wallsall defence with his trademark 'continous stepover' (unlike mediocre talents like ronaldinho, one stepover isn't enough for bas. three or four are necessary everytime he gets the ball). it was brilliant to watch and be a part of. there was a lot of love in that stadium for bas. despite being a striker bas has yet to score a goal in professional football, when he scores for city the roof will come off ashton gate. i'm actually delaying my return to uni for a few weeks in hope of seeing bas bag one.

monday evening i saw my sister's boyfriend's band play the louisiana. it was really, really good. like everyone they knew had come out to support them as well, so i was glad i made the effort too. so monday was all gravy.

tuesday was shameless. in the words of the great les bubb (of hubbubb fame) 'top horn! (horn noise)'. the thing that struck me most about shameless was how they let so many young actors and actresses carry the show. and how well they all do. it is definetly my favouritest programme on telly. also how sexy was kev's teacher? i liked her a lot.

yeah then since tuesday i've been mooning around the house milking my illness and wanking furiously. i haven't shaved for like two weeks and my face has sprouted obscene levels of furiously itchy bumfluff. i'm starting to feel a lot better now though. which is nice. just in time to start sodding revision.

finally i suppose i should talk about celebrity big brother. however, despite the fact that during the launch show i decided that this might be the most entertaining thing in all of tv history, and despite the way that i can't sit on a chair to watch it, instead preferring to jig about infront of the tv screen in an excited trance that looks like i'm desperate for the toilet; it is inevitably entirely disposable and transitory. in a months time virtually no-one else will remember a single thing that went on. or who was in it. or that it even happened. or that the ordinairy boys were ever a band. anyway; housemate-by-housemate analysis:

Chantelle: bit of a fitty. looking forward to the zoo/nuts photos that follow big brother mini-fame as inexorably as night follows day. (you were expecting something deeper?)

Dennis: one of my all-time childhood heroes. i've read his autobiography so many times i've lost count. i used to have to hide it in my room because i couldn't be arsed fielding the inevitable awkward questions that would come if i was spotted reading a book with a naked man on the cover. and an arse shot on the back. but i think he's much more entertaining in print than in person thus far. his coach at the chicago bulls said that he was a mostly quiet, shy, normal bloke who did outrageous things simply as an easy way to play the system. i think thats pretty accurate. still, fucking great book.

Faria: mneh.

George: mneh to be honest. my view as a politics student? mneh. ok, a brave move, and i think quite a good one.

Jodie: i love jodie marsh. although there seems to be some kind of unwritten rule around a lot of people to say that you don't fancy girls like her.... she's fit as fuck. and just lovely. i smoke benson & hedges because of her. i think that may need more clarification. well you remember she turned up for some do wearing three belts instead of clothes, well on the video for that (its on the internet... i have needs ok?) all she carries is a packet of bensons. and i thought that was pretty fucking rock'n'roll to be honest. turning up at a party wearing ridiculous clothes but not forgetting your packet of fags.

also wiley smokes bensons. can't remember the lyric now, but there is one. if you think i'm ridiculously easily influenced you'd be right. i piss in the shower because sticky fingaz says that its an indicator of how 'ghetto' you are in the song of the same name. and, slightly more alarmingly, i've still got the mark on my wrist from stubbing a cigarette out on there when i was battered; because johnny rotten and sid vicious used to do it.

ooookaaaaaaaaaaaay. back to celeb big brother. call me, jodie!

maggot: i actually like goldie lookin' chain. they are funny and the whole point of hip-hop is to represent yourself and where you're from through the music and they definetly do that. so he'll be good-naturedly funny throughout the whole thing i imagine.

michael barrymore: should he really be on there? a few sandwiches short of a picnic. will either win in a blaze of glory or not do much at all. worried about him.

pete burns: pretty cool. love how he's changed his appearance so much but still has an accent. i'd take a blow job off him. shame he wears fur though.

preston: likeable and all that. like his image. crap band though. outside bet.

rula: mneh.

traci: mneh. fittie. mneh.

(btw, i haven't been watching e4 or nothing so this is just based off the entrance night footage and ting. so sorry if its ignorant and faria alam is actually lovely and really entertaining)

the week in list form:

most encouraging news:
weed won't make me mental!

best thing that happens in the mornings:
friends on t4

most bizarre masturbatory incident:
jade goody dressed as britney on the friday night project last night. perhaps further evidence that adam hasn't quite had his thinking cap on this week.

crappest tv:
friday night project up until that point.

website of the week:
www.mixtapetorrent.com

wrestling comeback of the week:
'the sexual chocolate' mark henry

special thanks to luton and liverpool for reminding the nation at large how fucking special the f.a. cup is.

songs:
Cam'ron - Sports, Drugs and Entertainment
the true story of his failed basketball career. really poignant.

Bow Wow - Let Me Hold You
syrupy r'n'b loveliness. chorus reminds me of another song. can't quite remember what though.

Nelly - Ride Wit' Me (Remix)
the official john mayer sampling remix

Ryu, Celph-Titled & Juelz Santana - From Bottom to Top
this song has been slated all over the internet. for me its quite simple. the amazing bit from 'sweet child 'o' mine'. repeated over and over again. with workmanlike rapping over the top. how can you not want to listen to that all the time?

Teedra Moses - Just Wanna Be Your Girl
sweet r and b singing over the beat from a lost nas and lost professor collabo. fuck it, you gotta love it.

peace
x
x
x

i'm lil weezy for sheezy, i'm off the heezy believe me

2006-01-01T22:06:00.000Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

so it was one of my more memorable new years. as the bells rang i was fellating the chest of a random fat bird with soiouxsie sioux eye make up who i'd just pulled in the oh-so-salubrious surroundings of 'the regal'. i was a bit of a disgrace to be honest. plus i did it all in the company of mates who i hadn't seen since Year 11. and i got introduced to the girl i fancied at primary school; my judgement proved to be spot on. turned into a bit of a fittie. and it also turns out that getting battered and chain-smoking benson & hedges works as an effective cold cure.

happy days. starting the year as i mean to go on and all-a-dat.

peace x x x

your albums in the hip-hop section by mistake like leann rimes

2005-12-30T22:30:00.000Z

i know i've missed christmas but theres always time for a picture of jay-z in a santa claus hat. so how are you doing? i got asked to join a band today. by this lad i wrote about last feburary. not sure when i should tell him about the Rent Boys (a sentence i hope i never have to write in my diary). he txt me and asked me whether i was still up for playing bass in a band. rather suavely i txted back 'i've spent the last 21-years of my life practicing being in a band. i'd love to.' lol at me. but yeah i need to step my bass game up if i don't want to end up as the bob hardy of the band.
poor little bob.
but yeah, adam was a very excited boy this evening. its funny because i chatted to this lad on the last night out at uni, talking about being in a band and that, and i misquoted my own theory about the libertines being this generations New York Dolls (thats also in the Rent Boys piece), i was gonna call round his house the next morning with a few albums and 'powder' by kevin sampson. this is because i seem to have read about bernie rhodes too much and now try and facillitate and inspire by challenging. which doesnt really work if you're a 21-year old bass illiterate. i got too pissed and therefore too hungover to carry that idea out and i've been thinking about speaking to him about it all when i got back to uni, so to get a txt out of the blue about it; i'm really made up. but neway, i've got some illustrious-ass footsteps to follow in; my sister's boyfriend's band (whats up steve? sorry about the 'boyfriend' label, but face it, you are) 'the collective' are at bristol louisiana on the 3rd of january (go!)

IT'S THE 'I'M FINE!' EPISODE OF FRIENDS. I'LL BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR.

whilst my dad's girlfriend's daughter lives with the alterkicks. they've had a single out on fierce panda! and been on radio 2 with dermot o'leary! so maybe i'll be able to claw my way to the top of the greasy pole (what up disraeli?) by the efforts of others.

so ive been back at the nursing home as a carer for the last week or so. really enjoying it. and it does offer a lot of time for rock star day-dreaming (which has been full steam ahead for years) when i work on my own. i've been doing nme interviews ('pull-quotes' galore!), video treatments and album covers, ruff sqwad remixes and meeting robbie williams (he tells me he loves my band; i spit his verse from 'kids' back at him, the 'i'm a wannabe sean connery' one. i haven't worked out how he takes it yet. sometimes he loves it. sometimes he storms off.)

scary note. this is all true. i'm 21-year old day dreamer.

this rap lyric just tickled me:
now you know ain't nuttin' greater than a cat with a gun/'cept to see a cat with a gun thats fat and can't run - Dame Grease feat. loads of randomers - Pressurer
do you get it? he doesnt mean feline cats neither. he means his dawgs. so to speak.

this is going to take a turn for the scatalogical. on the subject of the care work i saw the very most disgusting thing in my life the other day. i feel slightly guilty about writing it, but people all over place write about their work experiences so i shouldn't be any different. anyway it was the morning and i went in to a room to get a female resident up. she has over the years taken getting poo all over herself whilst in bed to new heights. so i go in and i can immediately smell its going to be bad. i pull back the sheet and its everywhere; bedding, her, the lot. even worse its all over her hands. so far, i can cope with this. so i get too work cleaning her up, hands first and as i'm cleaning one of her hands i find amongst all the poo a whole, complete baby onion, you know those minature ones you have with salads, inside her palm, and it dawns on me that this has passed through her entire digestive system. i didn't dry heave or anything melodramatic i just said to myself quite calmly; 'that is the most disgusting thing i've ever seen in my life' and carried on. scarred for life perhaps. certainly won't be able to eat a baby onion again.

i forgot to buy an independent on my way into work today. so on my break i mock-busied myself with the outbox of my phone to avoid awkward conversation (my professional persona is very shy). because i'm using a really old mobile of mine at the moment i found all my old rhymes. so, perhaps in what seems like a bid to destroy my last vestiges of credibility and put off forever the-lad-that-has-today-asked-me-to-be-in-a-band-and-may-read-this-cos-i-just-gave him-my-msn i now present the entire non-recorded works of adam gisborne aged around 17andabit:
(in no particular order. i've given them all comedy titles now as well. which is your favourite??)

'Daley Thompson'
store my albums in a cool dry place,
consume within two days to preserve the bass,
the daley thompson of rap,
write rhymes on christmas day,
ask if the world's second greatest rapper's gay,
its all rhetorical, this albums all historical,
7mics in the source borrowed them off ll and canibus arms,
habit for self-mythologising statements,
a permanent mc job placement,
can't see me going the way that mase went,
only thing better than me bragging,
thats when i tell the truth,
and the the truth is i'm the mc you'd choose,
as the best in the booth,
ur girl too,
sexy, me?
guess i'm guilty like blue
(i'd watched a daley thompson docu the night before)

'Princess Di'
too cool for seatbelts like im Princess Di
(quite a short one then)

'Terry Nutkins'
it's the kid whos felt more than a molested child,
u better phone terry nutkins cos my show is really wild,
and i'm shitting harder than a dude with the piles,
but comin off the scatalogical tip,
its probable i drop the metereological hits,
you can't stop the 'reign' until the day i quit,
so bring it prick,
u thinking u hard?
u can't touch me like that bomb victim boy from Iraq
(still feel guilty about that last line)

'Leann Rimes'
What hav ya?
it's giz the best looking rapper,
well the best looking rapper thats white and from gloucester,
my style has no father,
its only been fostered,
to pull your card quicker than a branch of Blockbusters,
and kick game like manuel rui costa,
well now the pleasantries are passed,
i'd like to apologise in advance,
for all the girls i'll romance,
and the class A self-harm once i get some cash in my palm,
critics start girding your loins,
i'ma do to rap what virgin mobile did to busta rhymes,
its a sign of the times,
emcees debase themselves for airtime,
i'll debase myself if you chop out a line,
your live show could only rock less if you performed it in mime,
and u did it straight after mine,
some might say i'm unkind,
but they should see what i keep inside of my mind,
cos ur albums in the hip-hop section by mistake like leann rimes

'Topper Harley'
i cock back the hammer,
then i dip and i'm set like juelz santana,
i bring the drama,
flow more fucked than gareth when he rocks the stammer,
im a hot shot,
call me Topper Harley,
with my advance you could buy Malawi,
wanna battle?
you and whose army?
you don't wanna ask me,
u wanna grasp me,
firmly by the hand,
shake, and then walk on past me,
im locked in school,
you can't out-class me,
your not upto scratch,
like my parents turntables,
the scene gets Grimm when i burn these fables,
im tearing your house up,
like cable,
an installation,
fuck your shit up like anal penetration,
can't catch my rhymes even if i gave you my notebook to trace them,
you defeat me?
yeah and we'll give iraq a democratic system,
wake up every morning and ask; wheres the competition?
at home trying to find a pot to piss in,
i keep on ripping,
like jeans you should wear this season,
bring the ryhmes, could give a fuck about a reason,
unless its beanies album,
paint word pictures but theyre crayola,
want to know how hot this is?
it won't need payola,
drive an AC Cobra,
im fronting,
don't even have a motor,
cut thru you like a hot knife through Clover,
taking it back to Thatcher,
cos careers are over,
lyrical 'attacks' that are worse than the poll one,
votes for hottest emcee,
you don't even poll one,
and you could vote for yourself,
call me silk cut,
i'm bad for your health,
kettle with no handle,
watch the lyrics spout,
this ain't a contest,
its a rout,
rappers dip their toe in,
but just catch gout,
like an extractor fan i air this out,
but like my southern comfort i'll keep it neat,
im off to cherry knock number 10 downing street.....
(how fucking long was that?? and the changes from rhyme to rhyme are excruciatingly awkward)

this has now become the longest post in history. mostly those rhymes are funny for the wrong reasons. although im still proud of the LeAnn Rimes line. but even when the lines are good they'd be impossible to say on beat. probably. anyway how far gone did i used to be on the whole 'eminem-shock-value-white-rapper' tip? i think i'll gloss over all this now. change the subject. although i'm glad they're in public. well, on this site anyway, for the delectation of everyone who has found it with a search engine looking for pictures of Tixie from Babestation (a suprising large amount of people).

some mp3s to finish with:
Kano feat. Klashnekoff - Sometimes (Remix)

New Order - The Beach (Blue Monday Dub)

T-Pain - In Love With A Stripper (unconciously channeling the chorus to Kate Bush's 'Wuthering Heights' in that synthesizer line. someone else must think that. its driving me mental)

50 Cent - Get In My Car (u probably hate 50 Cent. u probably don't know shit about 50 cent. no offence..... that was quite harsh wasn't it? he's actually a genius; artistically and business-ally (that isn't quite a word unfortunately). you're just going to have to come to terms with it. if this song doesn't have the bestest chorus of 2005 then i'm a person who in weak moments finds himself contemplating voting for 'Dave' Cameron. well ok, bad example. but he's just so convincingly compassionate! and he looks like a giant baby in a suit! and babies can't possibly be evil)

i really ought to stop writing. this could go on forever.

i love you all.

i have an illness from work. its either a cold or the beginnings of MRSA.

peace!!!

merry bloomin' christmas

2005-12-24T21:39:00.000Z

whats up y'all? feel my whole attitude to christmas is probably summed up by the song from the 'Father Christmas' cartoon which gets shown every year (you know the one where father christmas goes all over the place on holiday; scotland, france, las vegas, but decides he loves being father christmas and being at home best of all). merry bloomin' christmas. bit of a weird day today but very christmassy.

all started pretty well, dozing in bed wondering if father christmas' wife is called 'Mary' (get it? 'Mary Christmas'? 'Merry Christmas'? i thought it was quite good). just did typical saturday morning lazing with my mum. she went half-hearted christmas tree shopping but couldn't really afford one (shes only looking for one now because we don't celebrate the birth of christ until after mine on the 21st; pretty fair really). then my sister came back from a sleepover (shes 19!) all high on christmas spirit to me and mum sat on our arses in a grey old house. she tried to get us into it but we told her about how there would still be war in iraq and how so many people are alone at christmas. so that brought her down to earth with a bump. so she goes upstairs to listen to christmas songs to try and preserve her mood. as soon as she leaves the room my mum starts crying about how its her fault it'll be a crap christmas because shes pretty broke and hasn't got presents and stuff. so then i gave her a hug and reminded her that it will still be a wicked christmas because it was kind of the same last year and that was a fucking great christmas, one of the best. so then i went upstairs to see my sister and she starts crying her eyes out too, about how christmas is crap now shes older and santa claus doesn't exist. so i had more hugging to do.

then my mum came up with the idea of us going over to our granny's house and nicking her christmas tree seeing as shes gone to our aunties and won't miss it. so me and my sister drove over and just took her fully-decorated christmas tree from her living room. i felt slightly guilty at the time but the absurdity of the situation masked all that eventually. so we got a christmas tree and got all the decorations out of the loft, and it felt like we had done our own little bit to save christmas.

then this evening i had to drive over to my dad's house to pick up mine and my sister's stockings. which i'm sure is a bit back-to-front but felt quite appropriate somehow.

neway im actually working at the old peoples home tomorrow morning but i'll be back in time for a late christmas dinner.

peace (on earth and goodwill to all men)
giz
x
x
x
x

ps i'm 21 now. grown-ass man and all that. feels quite good.

ever fallen in love with someone, you shouldn't have fallen in love with

2005-12-15T17:30:00.000Z

hi kids. todays letters are s and p. todays theme is self pity!

whats up? i'm writing this from one of the computers on campus. reminds me a lot of first term last year, me, generally still a bit pissed, in my clothes from the previous night, trying to write an essay that was due in a week before. but neway, a change is as good as a rest and all that. taken me 5 hours since i woke up (at 12:30) to make it as far as campus. which was my sole goal for today. just wasted loads of money by stupidly having a quick browse of the university bookshop. 'the best of mcsweeney's' and 'to the lighthouse' (and 'theory and methods of political science' which i'm particularly looking forward to reading).

i'm quite tempted to sulk tonight. we're not going to jumpin' jaks it has been unilaterally decided. instead we're going to 'faces'. so instead of cheese, friendliness and freshers we will experience house/r'n'b, trendiness and second and third years. fucking brilliant. i actually might throw a moodie and stay in. people expect that kind of thing from me anyway. and nothing good can ever happen when you go out either. fuck i'm really fucking fucked off by that.

watched 24 Hour Party People last night. what a brilliant film. i couldn't get to sleep for hours after watching it, my heart was going like the clappers. just really inspiring and uplifting. incidentally anthony wilson is now into grime. he's got this group called raw-t on the latest incarnation of factory records. they had a really heavy album out last year. i'll post a track up from it later this evening if i remember.

since i watched the film i've been listening to new order and joy division and the mondays. and in the shower i whistled/sang tunelessly a marvellous mix of'blue monday' into 'wake me up' by girls aloud. i really reckon that would work. hmmmm. i dunno.

neway todays theme is self pity because on the walk into uni i counted up all the fit girls i've fucked up with over the years. i ran out of fingers.

:(

yeah, well. today was self-centred as fuck wasn't it?
i'll pop some songs up later.

peace x x x

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

2005-12-13T15:48:00.000Z

sooooooooo. not really sure how to start this. i was gonna write 'it's been a while' but that just reminds me of that fucking staind song. but yeah, i'm really sorry its been time since i last posted anything on here. its partly because my phone's broken so i don't have any photos to accompany my reams of drivel. its partly because i've basically been caned for the last two-odd months. its partly because my internet connection is shite. its partly because i had a minor, alan partridge-esque mental breakdown; didn't quite drive to dundee in my bare feet, but almost.

i'm not a playa, i'm a coach like Marchants
(possibility that people who aren't from gloucester/cheltenham might not understand that)

whatever. i'm back. university has now reached some sort of resolution, what with this being the last week. well thank fuck for that. whenever i get to the last week of a university term i get a feeling like i've survived a traumatic experience, a realisation that i have coped with all the attendant weirdness that uni brings and have remained (more or less) intact. and i can leave on a happy note. i had one (one! in like three months here) piece of work to hand in this term and i got a first! wahey! completely uncoincidentally this was also the first piece of work i've ever handed in on time since i started at uni last september. so maybe i could learn a life lesson there.

its kinda hard saying this shit to your face, so i do it over snares and bass
(Lil Wayne - Reciept)

since i did last post on here i have made a couple of goes at writing stuff. there was the complete history of my obsession with the libertines/pete doherty which i wrote the day the babyshambles album came out. however i abandoned that when it got over a 1000words. maybe another time. abridged version for now? i've met him twice, gave him a light once and on both occasions was too scared to ask for a photo. i also have his t-shirt from the last night of the libertines last uk tour (brixton academy), i caught it when he had a bit of a strop and threw it into the crowd.

here is another abortion from the past few weeks, when i tried to summarise in list form everything i've done since i last wrote anything on here:

-played smackdown vs. raw 2006 incessantly.
-then unfortunately become re-addicted to wrestling. before re-realising that it is a bit boring and i was only watching it for the women. if you do like wrestling though, this site is mint.
-watched the x-factor religiously
-voted for chico and andy
-stayed in on fridays for peep show. i am slightly obsessed with this show. if i have two options to take i seem to now always opt for the most-peep-show-like one. such as hiding behind a tree yesterday when i saw someone i didn't want to talk to.
-watched dubplate drama and voted for what happens to shystie
-hated little britain
-read a few books (including 'Belle de Jour'. i didn't wank over it either)
-had a fight on a night out
-been sick on a night out
-watched the take that documentary several times
-dyed my hair 'natural light auburn'. twice.
-bought the babyshambles album
-and the mitchell brothers, and sway and klashnekoff's mixtapes
-bought brighton rock on dvd but haven't watched it yet
-watched 'the warriors' and loved it. got drunk and watched 'the great rock'n'roll swindle'. was confused and astounded.
-broke my phone because i keep using it to play 'a little respect' by erasure when im in the shower before i go out
-bought some courdroy trousers (slim-fitting black ones but still cordrouy trousers nonetheless) 4 years after ridiculing james clark for his brown ones and vowing never to wear a pair in my life -hated channel 5's crap scheduling of 'top buzzer'
-continually ranted about PEOPLE WHO WEAR FUCKING CHINOS inside of my head. i mean the rant is inside my head. not little people wearing chinos.
-been to at least one lecture. im sure.
-dominated at pro evolution soccer 5
-almost got a madonna piercing
-listened to smokey robinson's 'tracks of my tears'. a lot.
-decided that david 'dave' cameron is satan.
-worked out that when living at university i can easily have whole days without a single meaningful conversation.
-the best thing? maybe got properly scammed. spent £150 on a pair of speakers from two blokes in a white van. they do soundmint mind. and look even minter. and it is a decent story to tell. and at least i didnt spend too much. but yeah, i'll watch hustle from a different persepective next time.

so there you go. that was my last few weeks. not much has happened since. i was woken up at 2am on monday morning by 40-odd freshers arriving at my house for a party. i didn't have much choice other than to pull some trackie bottoms on over my pyjamas and join in. the police were nice enough to pop by too. my natural charm won the day though.

just worked myself into a fit of righteous indignation on the phone with my dad about the fate of Tookie. this article expresses itself far better than i could on the issue:
AlterNet - Why Arnold Killed Tookie

i suppose i better give y'all some music.

i don't like The Strokes especially. you might. heres a new song, had it a few weeks, but i'm lazy:
The Strokes - Razor Blade
it does sound like 'mandy' so thats a bit of a thumbs up.

Take That - Today I've Lost You (On The Greatest Hits, previously unreleased)

Juelz Santana - Oh Yes (samples 'Mr. Postman'. can't lose from then on)

J.R. - FU
the most aggressive, nihilistic, atmospheric rap song ever. its now mandatory listening every time i'm about to go out in a ridiculous item of clothing. so basically everytime i leave the house then.

Lil' Wayne - Best Rapper Alive
Lil' Wayne - Shooter
my two favourite tracks from his new album. maybe my favourite rapper in the world right now.

Burt Bacharach feat. Rufus Wainwright - Go Ask Shakespeare
(Drums & Bass by Dr. Dre. Really.)

Jay-Z - Public Service Announcement Part. 2

Robbie Williams - A Place To Crash
links:
The Smoking Section (full albums to download. my favourite site in the world.)
Pro-Wrestling Torrents
That Mitchell & Webb Sound (Peep Show actors' radio show)
The Perfumed Garden (Peel Session Downloads)
and i'm out.
x
x
x
x
x

Matthew 16:26

2005-11-15T23:37:00.000Z

my favouritest bible verse.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

don't worry, i haven't converted or nothing. i'll be back for good tomoz.

peace x x x

fuck off the hook, i leave shit disconnected (hear me maxwellfrombigbrother?)

2005-10-31T12:11:00.000Z

maaaan.

mashed as fuck. thought i'd just put that out there. can barely type. all tingly and warm. listening to Redman's 'Muddy Waters' (cliche, or a hidden work of genius) (but still cliche). man, neway:

A young man worked as a runner in an advertising firm.

One day he said to his manager: "I'm leaving, I'm going to be a drummer."

The manager said "I didn't know you played the drums."

He replied: "I don't but I'm going to."

A few years later that young man played in a band with Eric Clapton (racist) and Jack Bruce, and it was called Cream, and the young man's name was Ginger Baker.

He became what he wanted to become before he knew he could do it.

He had a goal.
Paul Arden (mostly)

Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M. (nah not really, fucking 'Strange Brew' and 'Sunshine of Your Love' from 'Disreali Gears')

Mind you back then we had the dole. Isn't called the 'rock 'n' roll' for no reason.

But the upshot is. Tonight i'm going to become the best rapper in the world.

I mean i'm fucked at the moment. tommorow morning.

Just have to become better than:

Kano - Straight Flush Freestyle

buy the mixtape when he drops it!

this dude linked to me! his blog is much funnier than this one. cheers!
http://www.hayray.blogspot.com/
braaaaaap!
i'll link to you properly when i can be assed to edit this site properly. need to get a few really good links on there.

man, downloaded the blink-182 greatest hits. they cover 'Another Girl, Another Planet'. terribly.

still, blink 182 - All The Small Things

i've just gone round switching off everyone's laptops to try and get some pace on this connection.

nothin'

50 Cent - Just A Touch
in a very non-gay way, is this the sexiest song of the year. or the very least, most plastically, steroidly-enhanced non-sexiest song of the year. i tend toward the former opinion.

Cam'ron on 'It's Nothing':
Spoken word intro: 'Aiyyo, my whole life i heard, go to school, get a education, go to college, what the fuck for? so i can get a job making $12,000 a year and pay back my fucking student loan? plus how the fuck am i gonna buy lamborghinis, ferraris, and go to miami ten times a year doing that dumb shit, huh?'

take off that mustard face and ketchup, adam.

short list of people i must e-mail:
Ola
Rach
Jin
Cousin Mary
Campbell
probably a few more...

i gotta go.
x
x
x

i mite holla 'cos thats what i do when i see, a pretty girl pass me thats cuter than me

2005-10-12T12:58:00.000Z

for some reason my internet connection is absolutely flying this morning.... ok, afternoon. shit, thats bad. neway, whats up.

first off, new wiley, off the logan sama disc of the rinsessions tape pack, which if its still available, is the best value music purchase i've ever made... 6 cds and a dvd for £18.99! this track really sounds like hes going at dizzee rascal. 'i got my name on my chequebook too, but you get 20& deducted off the money that goes to you'; 'fuck xl, i'm going to call up Dash'.

Wiley - There I Go Again

ironically, reminds me a lot of the song '2 far' he did with dizzee. well its got the mint high-pitched voice on it anyway. actually, thats the only similarity.

Dizzee Rascal feat. Wiley - 2 Far

i love wiley's verse on this. 'i was hot steppin' in my nike air sneaker'. i was thinking about wiley and diz the other day, and it struck me how in real-life friends drift apart all the time through changing circumstances and whatnot, and its entirely natural. but in music, which is an even more high-pressure environment, we want people to stay friends forever, and get upset with them when they don't. mind you, i've never released a lewis green diss track.

i bought the morning star yesterday ('daily paper of the left', 'for peace and socialism'). 'twas big. but also strangely poignant. the 'star fund' needs £14, 747 to safeguard the paper's financial stability. yesterday 'leeds CPB collected a further £9.50 to add to its previous donation of £50'. which is good news. but erm, there was both good stuff about a general strike in columbia taking place today, which i didn't know anything about before. but it also had a piece about 'north korea marking 60 years of socialism'. which didn't bother mentioning they're human rights record or anything critical at all. which made me a bit hmmmmmm.

Arcade Fire - Wake Up

i never listen to zane lowe, although he generally plays a half decent song when i listen to him in a situation in which there is no other alternative. such as the above tune, last night. previous zane lowe tunes:

Atmosphere - Trying To Find A Balance

Razorlight - Stumble & Fall (original single version; this has minutely different lyrics)

but yeah, i think thats me spent for today. except for this picture. from tim westwood's website. which has a special collection of pictures of breasts and other female body parts he has signed. yeah, i know. neway, this is my favourite, because, aside from being a nice arse, HE WROTE HOLLA ON HER BUM CHEEK! HOLLA! unbelievable. i do love westwood tho.
adam r. holla
x
x
x

p.s. oh, go on then. one more song: Kano - Only You Freestyle
murked! been waiting for someone to kill this beat. buy the mixtape when he drops it! see him at nottingham stealth with me on the 21st!

p.p.s. oh yeah, if you want any song i've posted re-upped, leave a comment for me.

character is fate

2005-10-12T00:55:00.000Z

fucking hell my internet is so slow at the moment. its taken 8 minutes just to get to this screen. and now all my inspiration has dribbled away like the fourth wank of an evening. ahem.

neway, listening to grime is baaaaad for you. i've been driving my mate's car about this evening without insurance and i'm sure its because i've been listening to too much roll deep; skepta's 'drive on a 2 year ban wen i'm 'ere' and trim's 'no licence or provisional' bars (i think that's what trim says, i can't be arsed to find the lyric on my rinsessions cd). neway, what with the drugs and the shoplifting when i was a younger (porn and overly expensive spot treatments) i'm beginning to develop a nice little frisson of criminality. with rapper-like exaggeration i'll soon be some sort of nino brown figure spitting 'God forgives me but nottinghamshire constabulary won't'.

well its not any more unbelievable than jadakiss saying:
'when my coke come in, they gotta use the scales they weigh the whales with'
i'll believe it when i see it, tubby.

fucking hell, what a load of bollocks i've written so far.

hmmm. had a shitty few days. like this colds been hanging around for a week and i've just felt a bit low as well. i imagine its totally unrelated to completely caning it this weekend. neway, i've copped some st. john's wort after reading about it in the mirror today. apparently it has mild anti-depressant effects. i'm such a hypocondriac it'll probably just kick shit as a placebo.

this girl i know has a blog too. i say 'this girl i know' rather than 'this girl i'm friends with' 'cos i don't quite think i ever made it to friendship-status, even though she's probably the only person i've ever thought 'fuck me they're cool i'm gonna try and befriend them' (so maybe it was a good thing it didn't really work out). but yeah, she has a blog, a really good one, much better than this in every respect apart from the lack of free music. well... neway, she's just started uni and is writing about it and i just really hope her uni experience is a really good one because at the moment it sounds really happy and hopeful and i was just like that at the start of the year. then i got more depressed than i can ever remember being in my life and i'm so glad i wasn't writing about it at the time, because it just would have been too much i think. especially to be able to go back and look and see how i felt or know that i'd put it all out in the public like nas and kelis and was maybe too hasty in declaring all my love for one and all.

(break) i've noticed myself doing this increasingly. when your trying to convey a rush of emotional feelings and create excitement in text, all the laws of good writing go out of the window. look at those big long sentences. altertnatively i do the goverment names trick of conveying a very dense portrayal of a situation or person with many short sentences broken up by full-stops. i did it in my previous post about x factor.
(break)

sorry this is really a pile of shit. and i'm just trying to please all those people who left nice comments.

oh yeah her website is http://happy-now.blogspot.com. i was gonna say something else too. oh yeah, she was the first person i webstalked. you know if you put someones e-mail address into google and look at all the little marks they've made on the internet.
hmmmmmm.

i'd quite like her to read this. we could still be friends.

although it is quite patronising what i've written isn't it?

still vibing to r'n'b. fucking jagged edge. 'a jagged era'. hella good. the kind of music my innate english-ness and sense of irony will probably never allow me to have sex too.

i got it off this website. http://smokingsection.blogspot.com. fucking loads of full albums to download. brilliant.

no music today i'm afraid. connection really is poo-de-loo.

i think i've got to go.

x
x
x

just think of me as the pages in your diary

2005-10-09T22:50:00.000Z

damn. so long since i last wrote on here. and i've got so much to talk about. nuffin' long again today, just wanted to put up these three songs that have been as much a part of my weekend as that quarter i copped with sam on friday.

Alicia Keys ('Unplugged') - Diary
Brandy - Should I Go
Aaliyah - One In A Million

there is something about r'n'b and soul that makes it sometimes the perfect music for listening to really loudly. i find it even more therapeutic than having it on quiet, you know you put on 'trouble man' or 'everything' and its loud so the words aren't the central point just the beautiful voices that are coming out of your speaker and seem to completely envelope your head. ahhhhhhhh.

last night i watched the x-factor. i cried. lots and lots. in company. mitigating circumstances: several cans of red stripe during england vs. austria. a couple of spliffs. me getting wound up by making my big speech about kate thornton hatred and how this was the cruellest programme on tv as they were playing with peoples lives, hopes and dreams before the show even starting. robbie williams - angels. coldplay - fix you. elton john - your song. played throughout the rejection/acceptance/family reunion scenes. damn. all those people going home and standing in their living room doorway and saying they'd either succeeded or failed. and their whole family running and embracing them whatever.

sniff.
x
x
x

expensive like t-mobile to o2

2005-09-30T23:56:00.000Z

yeah yeah. nuffing long. back at uni. writing this on my mates laptop. listened to kano MURKING it on westwood. bloody hell. westwood ran out of instrumentals. biggle. neway, im alright and that, lectures start on monday. going to see raekwon with my sister on tuesday.

Ruff Squad - Havana (Instrumental)
bit of a random tune choice. just stuffed the first thing i could find onto my usb stick to be honest.

city living:

u cant really see it unless you click to enlarge. skanky white graffiti in the middle says 'A.L.F. DEVESTATE TO LIBERATE'

i really like this just cos of the 'NON-RAMPING STREET CHAMPIONS' bit written above the main graf.

neway im out.

x x x x

See maybe, the laughs on me and life was telling me a joke

2005-09-25T10:30:00.000Z

woke up this morning with a strange, empty feeling. starting to drift back to uni between today and wednesday. i don't want to get on with my life. its moving too fast. i want to stagnate. i want a settled home again, i don't want to live out of boxes, too-ing and fro-ing so often i don't know where my real home's supposed to be.

Pharrell - Maybe (Remix) (From The Clipse - ' We Got It For Cheap Vol. 2')

finished 'The International Gooseberry' by Ben Hatch. 'twas a good read.

Maybe your feelings for girls you've fancied and never said anything to are a bit like plutonium. You can bury them as deep as you like but bring them to the surface however many years later and they can still fuck you up.'

She told me what a French writer said about love: that it was all a fallacy, just an outlet for your emotions. You needed to love just like you needed to eat, sleep and shit, and whom you loved wasn't nearly as important as there being someone to love. She said love was a form of emotional diarrhoea, and sometimes when you felt insecure and your confidence was low you got caught short and had to run for the nearest toilet, even if it wasn't a particularly nice one.

A theory of love someone told me once: love turns an extrovert into an introvert and an introvert into an extrovert.

so yeah, thats me, still trying to learn about life and love by reading about it. if i can remember this stuff when i'm drunk i might assail you with it.

but neway i'm about to switch this p.c. off and pack it away.

Redman feat. Method Man - Do What Ya Feel

bless x x x x x

p.s. wiley on westwood last night. heeeeeaaaaavy. will post up an mp3 at some point.

Never riff see me fixin on my lip balm

2005-09-23T20:41:00.000Z

eeeeaaaaaasy son.

Dizzee Rascal - Freestyle On Logan Sama (22/09/05)

spent all sodding afternoon trying to get this. logan sama's show is only available as a stream, i couldn't rip it or anything, had to loop up my computer's headphone and microphone ports in the end. neway; BIG! spits over that 'late night request line' riddim. heavy. you can listen to the whole show here. (http://logansama.blogspot.com as well).

oh yeah check videosonroad.com for the murkle man video too. i mite get myself a t-shirt with 'it's the murkle man' on it when i go back to uni. it'd be interesting to see how many people would talk to me about it. that is the most ridiculously hype tune in the world. i remember driving back from work with the RWD mixtape on in the car. i had to pull over when that song came on, i was bouncing around all over the shop.

scrubs break.
Polyphonic Spree -Light & Day

got a new phone, a nokia with an mp3 player. its the best thing in the world. i stuck a new memory card in and now its got about 10 albums worth on it. i could walk to the end of the earth if i had enough music to listen to on the way.

went to the library today:

a mixed bag you could say.

neway, im out like cancer wristbands.

peace x x x

p.s. for those wondering about the state of my swede:
not the best is it?

p.p.s i now believe in gary johnson, not brian tinnion.

i send girls round the twist tho' i look like Bronson

2005-09-20T22:15:00.000Z

yo i am still alive and that.
will write something tomoz, in the meantime:
Mary J. Blige feat. Lenny Kravitz & Jay-Z - Rock Steady (Unreleased)
Angie Martinez feat. Jay-Z -Mi Amor (Should Have Remained Unreleased Despite The Brilliant Chorus)
oh yeah, i spent all day trying to BUY three songs rather than obtain them illegally:
Jermaine Dupri - Gotta Getcha (Roll Deep Remix)
Mitchell Brothers - Routine Check (Roll Deep Remix)
Roll Deep - Thinking of You (Heartache Avenue Remix)
i tried itunes. i tried HMV Direct. i tried Virgin Digital. i went into town. i tried woolies. i tried MVC. i tried HMV. in the end i managed just the Jermaine Dupri remix. despite all the other songs being featured on singles that have charted in the last two months. ALL LEGAL MUSIC DOWNLOAD SERVICES, STEP UR RAP GAME UP!

peace x x

p.s. check the title.... BIG BARS! ARE YOU MADDDDDD!

p.p.s. put this on and ur guaranteed to smile. band who make all their music on kids instruments:
Self - What A Fool Believes

Bloc Party vs The Streets - Banquet (Remix)

2005-09-14T22:54:00.000Z

thank you so so much http://razorbladerunner.cadenceweapon.com/ i have been fucking looking for this shit for so bastard long.

Bloc Party vs. The Streets - Banquet (Remix)

(insert obscure reference to something or other here)

2005-09-13T20:45:00.000Z

im happy because this riddim that i loved on an old roll deep radio show is used for a song that wiley does on the lord of the decks 3 cd (which i've only just got round to listening to).

this tune is FUCKED:
Wiley - Tap 6

so thats big. i was drunk this weekend. was also big.

Lil' Scrappy - Pop It Off

is also big.

man, im just sat here bopping my head to that wiley tune.

Mariah Carey feat. Young Jeezy & Jay-Z - Shake It Off (Remix)

bigger still.

well, maybe. in significance perhaps.

but yeah, chilled day. woke up early, took my sis to the bus station. came home. read the paper. walked to the shop and bought bacon, eggs and fresh bread for breakfast. watched dave chappelle over breakfast. wanked. watched half of new jack city. remembered to turn off the immersion heater. watched more of the cricket celebrations (my sis was there). went back to new jack city. bored of new jack city. wanked. bread and butter for lunch. watched human traffic. got really excited about going back to university and hoofin' it. that film should be shown every friday night on tv. i'm probably the perfect age for it, because when it first came out i wasn't old enough to really do all the things the film shows (although i'd had a bash at one or two) and so couldn't really look at it wearily, sarcastically, cynically, you know? hyped after human traffic. go for a shower. last minute chage of plan leads to wank. shower. listen to whole of 'pills, thrills and bellyaches' in shower. dancing. get dressed. watch lord of the decks 3. 5 minutes before mum comes home, do the washing up, take in the clothes off the washing line, make pot of tea. more lord of the decks 3. 5 minute conversation with my dad in the doorway when he pops round. talk about bristol city. tesco spaghetti carbonara for dinner. attempt crossword. fail at crossword. computer.

notice the one thing i didn't do today: get tattoo. billy bottler.

dunno.

getting drunk of saturday was cool. it was a uni mate's 21st, but also his parents wedding anniversary and all sorts. it was proper plush. marquee, bar, live band, roast. not quite the village hall, dj and sausage rolls. i got a bit battered. found someone with weed, talked a bunch of shit and got on one of my mate's 15-year-old sister's friends. but i enjoyed that. i'm trying to be that muthafucka that bowls up to ur family celebration lookin gangsta and tries to pull ur sisters friends. neway, at least i was cooler with it than george, i mean i was dancing with a raging rock-on that was embarassing to me even in my wankered state, but she only had to tell me about her boyfriend and i switched straight to bleeding heart 'let's talk' mode. unlike mr. 'would-you-like-to-come-sit-in-my-car-yes-i-do-have-my-hand-down-your knickers' hart. wassup g? if u r reading this (unlikely), i would say sorry but YOU NEED TO GET UR ARSE OUT OF MY ROOM OF THE HOUSE.

murkled.

my sis was in the fountains at trafalgar square today.

excerpts from my irresponsible shopping list for when my student loan comes thru:
-black nike hoodie
-spastic adidas stan smiths with the green fade
-damien marley, run the road 2, lethal b and mitchell brothers albums (gotta support)
-wonder feat. kano 'what have u done' & ruff squad 'bring it down' vinyls, maybe roll deeps 'heat up' as well for the riddim
-ratty turntable from cash generators to play them on
-red, silver and baby blue nail varnishes
-big bag a weed
-emerald lyle & scott polo
-new zadie smith
-girls 'the clash' t-shirt from h&m (if i can get my sister to buy it for me)
sumtin like that.

man that wiley tune is gonna piss off everyone living with me this year.

bless
x
x
x

pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name

2005-09-08T21:31:00.000Z

just keep going into charity shops to buy books with interesting titles just to keep me busy. just finished 'my legendary girlfriend' by mike gayle. 'twas alright, had a happy, life-affirming ending, so thats all good.

I laughed inwardly. This was Pretty In Pink, East of Eden, St Elmo's Fire and The Breakfast Club rolled into one. Be that as it may, I couldn't hold in what I had to say just because I was treading on the same hallowed ground as James Dean, Molly Ringwold, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson or thousands of other celluloid coming-of-agers trying to navigate their way through to adulthood. My life would resemble a teen movie until the day I died - I guarantee I'll be the only eighty-year-old man in the world suffering from teen angst.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

changing the subject:
The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil (Neptunes Remix)
The Rolling Stones - I Miss You (Dr. Dre Remix)
braaaaaaaaap!

The Whie Stripes - My Doorbell
me and my sister heard this on the radio the other day and since then we've been doing a little call and response in hybrid Jack White/Michael Jackson screechy voices; 'i've been thinking about my doorbell....' 'when you gonna ring it, when you gonna ring it'. which is ironic given the white stripes supposed backstory.

but neway.

peace!

we are not a market, first and foremost we are a people

2005-09-05T22:31:00.000Z

some more of that disposable 'hot' hip-hop club shit. but undeniably genius in that respect:
Dre (of Cool & Dre) - Naomi
beat is nang.

---------------------------------------------------------

Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come
just because. me and my mum cried our eyes out when that poor bastard from one of the new orleans counties was shown on channel 4 news just pouring his guts out about that guy who couldn't rescue his trapped mother. such fucking raw emotion.

i've tried to be a good person today. i've finally joined CND and Amnesty International. i've given money to the Red Cross. dunno, why i'm putting this up on here, trying to demonstrate i'm a good person or some shit. i'm going to see mark thomas and robert newman in nottingham too, ended up reading around robert newman's website too today. some good shit.

listened to paul mooney this evening, this stand-up routine of his i downloaded off limewire from about '94 (judging by the subject matter). i was lieing on the floor next to my computer. i ended up in the foetal position. very funny, very raw also. not sure whether i had any right to be listening to it. but it was funny. so.......

---------------------------------------------------

Petey Pablo feat Bubba Sparxxx - Get On Dis Motorcycle
i can't believe i've never posted this song up on here before. you need to hear it. one of my most favourite songs of the last 12 months. it's off petey pablo's most recent album that dropped earlier this year (or late last year). it features INCREDIBLE production from timbaland and a nice verse from Bubba Sparxxx which i actually first heard him spit on westwood a few years back (btw, Bubba=the best white rapper).

petey sets it off lovely:
granddaddy was real strong,
daddy was in the army,
i was a bad motherfucker,
slightly retarded
i wrote this last time i was under it's influence.
i really hope petey doesn't get fucked up by death row.

while we're with Petey:
Petey Pablo feat. Kiley Dean - Gun Line (Unreleased)

---------------------------------------------------------------

i keep meaning to write a post about wu-tang and their effect on my life. maybe tomorrow. but it still continues, last night i got a txt from my mate ben, who's crazy deep into them as well. we saw gza in exeter together. he knows capadonna's verse off 'winter wars' off by heart. neway, he was asking about the whole 'purple tape' thing nas talks about on 'last real nigga alive' (apologies for 'n-word' usage by white person):

that's when ghostface said it on the purple tape/
bad boy biting nas album cover
Nas - Last Real Nigga Alive

anyway, when that track came out, of course i spent hours on google trying to find out about this sodding purple tape. was it some hidden mid-90's mixtape very few people heard of. nah, it's just another term for 'only built 4 cuban linx......'. apparently it got shipped with a purplish-tinged cover or something. and the bad boy diss is on the 'shark niggas (biters)' skit:

YaknowhatI'msayin? Niggaz, niggaz, niggaz, niggaz, is bitin' off youralbum cover and shit, Yeah!
Whoa bad enough they biting lines like niggaz killed me
Yeah!
When they came with some Nas, niggaz bit offa Nas shit!
KnowhatI'msayin? *chuckling*
(lyrics taken from here - probably should have used ohhla.com. but you get the idea)

(that 'niggaz bit off nas shit' line was used on the chorus of this tight-ass early 50cent/nas collabo by the way: 50 Cent feat Nas & Nature - Too Hot)

neway, i was so excited to tell ben all this. i felt like a member of some real hip-hop cognoscenti when i txt him back. don't get a chance to feel like that very often when ur best friends at university listen to the stereophonics. and the bodyrockers.
(as a footnote 'the purple tape' is also the name given to the pixies original demo tape)

and to kind of rap stuff up, my favourite non-Cuban Linx Raekwon track:
Raekwon - Sneakers (prod. by Pete Rock)
i heard this on the first ever westwood show i taped. it namechecks lotto and patrick, guaranteed laughing-stock shoes at my school. and new balance! why did the wu love them so much (on the alley tried to challenge god for the New Bals - Raekwon on Daytona 500 (although a lyrics search says that line as 'new vials')), you would get rinsed for wearing them. even tho' bryan robson did. and clarks wallabies!! i remember when a mate of mine bought some wallabies from shop for shoes and wore them on a night out. i was so hyped i kept going on and on about them, calling him the Wally Kingpin and every 10 minutes saying 'did i mention how much wallabies feature in Wu-Tang stuff'. i need to stop now.

i need a picture on this shit. how about this:
now thats what i call a t-shirt. www.fashionfreakers.com if you fancy one.

bless
x
x
x

life in one day

2005-09-04T23:21:00.000Z

before we get into this:
kanye west on 'Concert For Hurricane Relief' (video).
the most significant musician in the world at the moment. possibly the most significant human being. and he is a human being. look at his eyes.

even fox news got stuck in. having read al franken and watched 'outfoxed' THIS IS INCREDIBLE (geraldo rivera - hannity&colmes video).

from the red cross homepage:
Why is the Red Cross not in New Orleans?

Access to New Orleans is controlled by the National Guard and local authorities and while we are in constant contact with them, we simply cannot enter New Orleans against their orders.

The state Homeland Security Department had requested--and continues to request--that the American Red Cross not come back into New Orleans following the hurricane. Our presence would keep people from evacuating and encourage others to come into the city.

www.crooksandliars.com for more
akira the don for a human take

-----------------------------------------------------------

just went to toys 'r' us to buy a new basketball, drove home blasting the original 'tell it to my heart' on star 107. i had to get a basketball because at the end of last term i started playing against my friend mark (pictured below), and to be honest, i tonked him. consistently. 13-2 was the last scoreline, actually. anyway, he's been in america all summer so he's probably been practicing and i wouldn't want our games to actually get competitive.
i finished work on friday. the last week was really good. from sunday, running round the home as paramedics helped a lady who had aspirated some food while a tv downstairs blasted coldplay singing 'fix you'. so i'm stood there watching them get busy with the oxygen masks and all and 'tears stream down your face, when you lose something you can't replace' was going round and round my head.

i still want to be a paramedic.

to tuesday, talking to a resident called jennifer, who used to be an actress in repertory theatre. she still has all the comic, slightly hammy facial reactions going and looks about twenty years younger than she is. anyway we were talking about acting and she started quoting shakespeare; 'romeo, romeo, wherefore art thou romeo? deny thy father and refuse thy name' and so on. then she did 'neither a borrower, nor a lender be' and i was able to jump straight in with 'isn't that polonius' speech to his son in 'Hamlet'?'. she was impressed.

and on thursday i managed to change a colostomy bag despite never having even seen one before.

so yeah, it all ended on a high note. and that woman the paramedics saw to came back from hospital a few days later right as rain.

-----------------------------------------------

i found this picture on my computer today. some people say i'm deliberately contrary and attention-seeking. i still can't really see it.

i've also been thinking about that ridiculously catchy pussycat dolls (well tori alamaze) song; 'don't cha'. and to be honest i'm scared shitless about restraining myself in a nightclub from singing along with it. i mean singing along with songs while dancing to them is a bad enough look anyway, and one i'm guilty of so often (especially in hip-hop clubs), but i think this would be as unsexy as a man singing along to 'my neck, my back'. although i'd like you to take a minute out to picture me doing both. naked. ooooooooh yeah (say that with a deep voice).

----------------------------------------

i'm too sexy for jail like i'm right said fred,
i'm not guilty, now gimme back my bread
Jay-Z - The Ruler's Back

the fruits of a lazy day watching music channels round my dad's house:

PYT - Same Ol', Same Ol'
3LW - No More
(old school teeny girl r'n'b hits)

Pretty Ricky - Grind With Me

Shaggy - Wild 2 Nite (feat. Olivia)
gotta love his flow on this. (westwood voice) new shaggy! holla!

while on the subject of shaggy, hotshot was a hell of an album.

Shaggy - Keep'n It Real
just a nice touching song
Shaggy - Luv Me, Luv Me
put the chorus to this in with the pussycat dolls song and 'my neck, my back' as bad ones to be caught singing. 'ooh boy i love you so, never ever ever ever gonna let you go'. i think mariah sings it on the album version (which this is). just love the 'huh, you know what i'm saying' bit when he's chatting up the girl in the third verse or so. just download it and 'cook up summerrrrr in the winterrrrr' (kanye).

and from the hard-drive:

Tha Liks - Best U Can (feat. Pharrell)

Cee-Lo Green - Big Ole Words (Damn!)
just incredible. different class rhyming. and meaningful. from 'Cee-Lo Green and His Perfect Imperfections'. easily the greatest album i've somehow never found the time to listen to all the way through. i can tell you the first nine songs are different gravy though.

and for those who don't like hip-hop:

Manic Street Preachers - Faster

-------------------------------------------------------------

well i'm a man called adam, living in the future, i make all my tunes on a computer
Akira The Don - Living In The Future

i'm working on a mixtape. well... i'm obsessively downloading instrumentals of limewire and trying to freestyle over mankind's old entrance music. and the breakdown of 'your woman'. the white town version. which i own on cd single. and i wish i had a dj friend who could mix it all together so i can have the robbie william's rap off the end of 'kids' mixed in with the clipse and my stuff and things. give me time.

bonobos rule.

i once tried to experiment with food sex. by myself.

with salad cream.

i just squirted it all over my chest. and then i was just like. what. the. fuck. am. i. doing.

i still finished off mind.

bless x x x x

bonus: another picture of me looking cool (you may have started to notice that these all come from the same evening. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell..........................
(l to r): amy, alina, chris, me, george, claire, amy

racism still alive, they just be concealin' it

2005-09-02T20:07:00.000Z

the more i read about the terrible, terrible situation in New Orleans the more fucking helpless and angry i feel.

'Looting':

Carl Quintanilla, a reporter in New Orleans, spoke on the Today Show about the overblown reports that the New Orleans area is "a riot zone."

"This is not a death trap, these people are not criminals, they need help and all of their frustrations are centered around that."

Quintanilla also remarked that his news crews went outside the city to where ambulances and buses with relief are staged doing nothing. "I'm not going in there," Quintanilla reports one relief worker as saying, "I've told my wife I'm not going in there."

NBC Photojournalist Tony Zumbado, spoke to the Today Show this morning about the desperation he captured as he toured the Superdome with his cameras calling the filth, death, despair and devastation he saw "the saddest situation I've ever seen, stateside." He refuted reports of lawlessness saying that people were helping one another and that "There is no security problem in this area at all."

taken from here.

Bush:

On August 2nd, the general warning had been issued, that we must expect major storms to hit the Southern coasts of the U.S. during the immediate period ahead. That warning should have activated an order from the President of the U.S.A. to the relevant National Guard, FEMA, and other institutions: Develop an immediately operational plan of precautionary, preventive, and emergency action, to deal with all of the obvious contingencies represented by a probable "Camille-like" event. We now see, clearly, that those urgently needed emergency preparations did not occur.

from here.

Consider a President with an approval rating edging into the mid-30s. What has he been doing this week? Playing golf. Speaking before another military audience about the "War on Terror," suggesting a specious link between 9/11 and Iraq and comparing himself to Franklin Roosevelt. Visiting the South West. Posing with a huge cake and licking his fingers. Pretending to play the guitar. Getting on with his life, then cutting his month-long "working vacation" short by 24 hours. (And what has Dick Cheney been doing? When no one seems to know, I worry.)

from here.

fuck fuck fuck.

Akira.

Jim Jones - J.I.M.M.Y.

2005-08-29T14:30:00.000Z

Jim Jones - J.I.M.M.Y.

because i'm still a sucker for silly voices on rap records. especially dipset ones. (From 'Harlem - Diary of A Summer')

p.s. just downloaded a video of babyshambles at glastonbury for sam's birthday (from here), as i'm gonna knock him up a dvd of some libs/babyshambles stuff. neway, guess who's ugly mug pops up after a minute....
yeeeeeeaaaah boy! so all that positioning myself on the right-hand side of stages did work out after all. (apologies for the very convoluted way this image was acquired, realplayer apparently isn't a fan of 'print screen'-ing so i had to take an actual photo of the screen with my finger over the flash). thats me, down the front for babyshambles at glastonbury. with mud warpaint on my face. it'll be worth something in a few years, mark my words.

Comments that make my parents wonder (part one in a non-occasional series)

2005-08-29T11:03:00.000Z

(Me and my mum are sat watching Match of The Day, Middlesborough manager Steve McClaren is being interviewed)

Me: He's got very soft eyes hasn't he?

My Mum: (Stunned Silence)

imagine if i told you that i need you, would you say baby i need you too?

2005-08-28T22:20:00.000Z

The Perfect Pop Song (for today anyway):
Shola Ama - Imagine (Asylum Remix)

so thats out of the way.

i committed such a schoolboy error today; basically since last monday i've worked monday-tuesday-off sick wednesday-thursday-friday-off saturday-sunday and so i txted my mate to see if he could cover my shift tomoz because im working all the way through to friday this week too. i did question in my mind why he accepted so readily; because its fucking bank holiday stupid! double time rates! what a twat. i've just given away £60. tit. tit. tit.

work was mad today, we have a resident with MRSA which i must say adds a slight frisson of excitement (and utter paranoia) to the job. especially seeing as the woman in question returned from the hospital on friday and we only got told today. cheers for that.

i feel strangely uninspired. throughout the day i have so many ideas and things to write on here, and then when i actually sit down here. blank.

i've been listening to that shoala ama song slowed down on windows media player. tight. chopped & screwed uk garage. someone should do it.

i promise. i promise, that i will write something decent tomorrow.

one.

x
x

p.s. just downloaded a screwed & chopped z-ro and ashanti song. kinda interesting because ashanti's voice slowed down sounds just like a male r'n'b singer.
'i can't lie 'cos boy you did your thing'
hip-hop as gay love song.
Z-Ro feat. Ashanti - 1st Time Again (Chopped & Screwed)

a picture:
this wasn't why i picked the picture or ting, but erm, i just noticed the suspicious mark on my neck. you see i'm not above taking it back to year 8 or 9 on a girl.

how embarassing.

i think that photo was taken mid-'With or Without You'.

braaaap!

shit's deep like kid's dreams

2005-08-26T19:15:00.000Z

where is my normal font blogger? why can't i get my italics? why is this going to fuck up when i post it because you're letting me type right across the screen. i had big plans, big plans this evening. the ulitmate wu-tang post in history (well, the history of this site) and THE GREATEST SOFT ROCK DEPRESSION HITS IN THE WORLD....EVER! hold tite for them.

can i just say, www.akirathedon.com, www.akirathedon.com, www.akirathedon.com.
heartfelt odb tributes and 'the others' and pete doherty disses (i'm sorry pete but this is blaaaaaaazin')

akira the don feat. swiss - rick witter
http://s5.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3DQVX1WLNORNB1VN3Q763I5VBC it won't even let me link this properly.

i didn't check this bloke for ages, but now i see why aftermath in the u.s. loves him. peep game.

and a little something from me (via the outbox of my phone):

i flow complex sets,
16 bars, with 15 reps,
cos u can't step a single step within my creps,
so just don't flex,
mite be dorothy perkins but u sure ain't next

last night i had a fucked up dream. this lad i know at university has been diagnosed with leukaemia and its obviously hit me quite deep because last night i had a dream where my sister got diagnosed with it. it was so fucking vivid. i woke up in the dream and was like 'thank fuck that was only a dream' and then i found out it wasn't, and so on and so forth. but when i woke up for real this morning it took 5 minutes to piece my reality together and discover that my sister doesn't actually have leukaemia. so i'll just keep praying for the lad who does have it.

erm, thats about it. i am still so broke at the moment. cricket is blazing. i want to buy the mitchell brothers album. i got a 'the beats' (mike skinner's label) mixtape today so i'll post that up tomoz. cricket is amazing. thank you t4 for keeping me sane in the morning with a friends episode while i'm getting dressed every morning.

god bless.

adam

giz

xxx xxx

daughter's names:
margot
son's names:
maradona, famous, alfie (bloody jude law's wrecked this one for a while), juelz, jesus - after earl monroe. if anyone's seen 'he got game' they'll understand:
- jesus (to dad): why did you name me jesus anyway?
- dad: its a biblical name
- jesus: no shit

this has been the most hyper post in history.

my sister came to see Crash with me last weekend. you should have seen the combined tears at the bit with the little girl.

ONE!

.....

2005-08-24T18:10:00.000Z

just chilling. will post something meaningful sometime soon. listening to Wu-Tang's pre-Wu-Tang Forever Westwood appearance.

Typical Westwood Caller: 'I beg you to give me a record deal'
RZA: 'i'll give you a record deal, you gotta answer this question correctly, alright? you ready?'
Caller (with all the excitement of someone about to see all his dreams become reality): 'Yeah!'
RZA: 'If an electric train is travelling 40 miles per hour east and its smoke is blowing 30 miles per hour south, which way should the smoke go?'
Caller: 'North.'
RZA: 'It's an electric train, ain't no smoke. Peace.'

peace. x x

my bitch says why won't you go suit and tie; because they put that on you when you die

2005-08-20T16:35:00.000Z

On tattoos.

I'm 20 so it really shouldn't be a big deal for me to go to a tattoo 'parlour' and get a tattoo. I am scared however, not so much the pain, which will be transient and, by the time it starts, it will already be too late to back out. It's more about getting the guts to go in and ask for what i want. The guts thing is something I'll just have to get over my own damn self, I can't believe I got my ears pierced to be honest, I had to have people go in with me both times. I'm also worried in case the tattooist fucks up, but i think both of my designs are pretty simple and the only real worry would be spelling mistakes.

Why do i want a tattoo? Well basically every person I've idolised at some point in my life, beginning with Allen Iverson in my early teens, has been tattooed.
A short list of 'tattoed cool people' off the top of my head:
-Pharrell
-David Beckham
-Robbie Williams
-Pete Doherty
-Lil' Wayne
-Cam'ron
-actually including rappers is probably cheating isn't it?

I was going to include Justin, but I'm not sure whether he's cool any more, and he has an awful tattoo. David Beckham probably shouldn't be on this list but he's been too much part of my social and cultural upbringing to disregard. Pharrell did briefly become uncool what with Esquire finally figuring out he's the coolest man in the world at least 2 years too late (and they get paid for that!) but he's started to rap now and sounds fucking brilliant so he still qualifies.

But yeah, and I've wanted one from a really early age. I've always drawn and written little slogans on my arms and hands and stuff and whereas most people are horrified by the idea that you'll put something on your body when you're young and then have to live with it forever, I quite like the idea of my body being a storybook of my life, of being able to look back when I'm fat and 40 at about how unrealistic and impetuous and stupid I was when I was younger. It something like the idea of how beautiful a city would be if all graffiti was legalised and encouraged throughout it, and every wall and pavement and bus shelter was covered in people's ideas and artwork, good and bad, beautiful and ugly.

The other tattoo-related worry is that I might be verging on the slightly scary side of Pete Doherty-worship. Which is funny because I've actually weaned myself off it quite a bit recently, what with listening to loads of hip-hop and stuff. Although saying that, i did buy a pair of boots cos they looked a bit like the ones he wears, and I do want a Fred Perry polo (although I think I've wanted one of them for ages) like the one he's been wearing for the last two years. But anyway, I want a tattoo like this one on his chest. In the same font but a bit bigger and a bit closer to the nipple and saying 'To thine own self be true'. I was going to put it over the other side (the left as opposed to the right) what with the irony of having that line in a design completely copied off someone else but biro experiments have shown the right to be better. Anyway I'm saving the spot above my heart for a Bristol City club crest when I can afford a really really skilled tattooist.

My total life goal now is to get myself in a position where I have a job where I can get a Cam'ron style back-of-the-hand tattoo and still be financially secure for the rest of my life. It's the kind of thing that can be done when you're rock star but not before. Of course mine won't say 'Diplomats' instead I'll have 'Bristol' on my right-hand and 'City' on my left. I can't find a picture of Cam's tattoo so heres a picture of Peedi Peedi's in-a-similair-vein-but-not-quite-as-good 'North Philly' tattoos.

one of my relatives has a gangsta Leeds United tattoo on his arm. He's given up his season ticket this year though.

I figure I've talked complete blithering crap here. I ought to put up some music as well, I've heard so much good stuff recently. Me and a hip-hop loving mate were talking about how hip-hop has lost some (all?) of it's magic from the days when you'd just have westwood at the weekend to tape and hear new stuff. Then it progressed with dial-up internet and the heyday of Napster to picking up The Source and Hip-Hop Connection and downloading a few of the songs on their 'Fat Tape' or the ones mentioned as 'Fat Tracks'. But you'd still be saving up to buy an album, with the likelihood that you'd probably only heard one or two of the songs on it and then you'd listen to it over and over and over. Plus I was discovering all these amazing old albums I'd never heard before, I remember when I was 15 with my first paycheck going and buying Slick Rick's 'Great Adventures Of...', Wu-Tang's 'Enter The Wu-Tang' and Redman's 'Whut? Thee Album' all at the same time. Nowadays I can download hundreds of mp3s a day, from music blogs and online music magazines and limewire. And in some ways the magic has gone, there's just too much to listen to and not enough time to appreciate it all. I used to get more pleasure from two hours of westwood with say 7 good songs than I do downloading 50-odd lil' wayne tracks in one afternooon. I don't know. I'm deliberately having to avoid listening to tracks leaked from 'Late Registration' just to try to preserve some magic in the listening experience. But then it's also a beautiful thing, so much great music to listen to, so much more than there used to be. I think i miss my lenghty listening sessions on buses with just a minidisc for company, learning all the words. I'm gonna get an mp3 player and get that magic back with walks around Nottingham when I get back to university next year. I want to move on again from simply downloading a song and thinking 'that's hot' and instead get back to losing myself in tracks and I think you need the whole solitary headphone experience to acheive that. Damn. That was even more blithering crap.

So to finish up,

Big-up Kanye for this. It won't make a difference but it's still definetly a very good thing. Shame about that photo though.

I'm going to see 'Crash' at the cinema tonight. Aaaaaalllllll by myseeeeeeelf.

Jim Jones - G's Up (feat Max B)
album quality version finally. i think it's produced by pete rock, beat is heavenly.

O.D.B. - Brooklyn Zoo (Instrumental)
listen to this and try and stop yourself doing your own O.D.B. impression; 'I'll fuck you up right now! What? What? What? Bust your motherfuckin ass boy! I ain't no motherfuckin joke, you know who you talkin to?'
btw; favourite o.d.b. lyric of the day:
'I got the Asiatic flow mixed with disco,
Roll up on the scene like the Count of Monte Cristo,
And MC's start to vanish,
I rolled up on a jet black kid the n***a started speakin' Spanish
Yo! You wasn't from Panana!
I asked you how you get so fuckin' dark, you said sun-tan-ama'

Turbulence - Notorious
serious, dead prez 'Hip Hop'-esque bass. my sister put me up on this track. the shame!

K-Ci & JoJo - Crazy
just because sometimes everyone has their own Save-The-Last-Dance-Soundtrack moments.

K-CI & JoJo - All My Life
just because i can.

peace

p.s. yes, i have spent this afternoon, when not listening to city beating port vale, reliving my youth in the form of downloading WWF matches from 2000.
-when stone cold came back to help the rock beat triple-H at backlash!
-'I think you know the guy.... HIS NAME IS CACTUS JACK!'
-Shane-O-Mac
-The King of Sting
-Simba (The Lion)
Method Man - Know Your Role (Rock's Theme)
i hadn't listen to this for years. in fact i deleted it off our old computer's hard drive in embarassment, but i still remember the words.
i wish i still had my 'Just Bring It' T-shirt

p.p.s. apologies for the quote, its from lil' wayne's 'Down & Out' freestyle. i was gonna change 'bitch' for 'girl' but, i figured i'd be fucking with artistic integrity.

p.p.p.s www.hiphopkaraokelondon.com
shotgun Big L's 'Ebonics'

blood of a slave, heart of a king

2005-08-16T23:00:00.000Z

happy daze at uni. caned off my tits sat in the quad. what the fuck is going on with my hair i have no idea. whilst i'm not at uni my life feels on hiatus

soooooooooo.......
(mp3s at the bottom of the post)

hmmm, i did have three things to talk about, but the third thing has eloped from my mind. it might come back in a minute.

bit of a nightmare at work today, had to work with a woman who clearly thinks i'm a complete eejit, the result of which is that my actions become increasingly eejit-like whenever i work with her. whenever i try and give her a piece of information (i.e.; we have to hoist a resident from a chair rather than stand-aid them (i realise no-one is going to understand what that means (actually time for a ma-hoosive digression.... in kanye west's 'through the wire' he namechecks this special drink that we have to give the residents who aren't/are unable to eat or have pressure sores; 'ENSURE'. as in 'i drink a boost for breakfast, an ensure for dessert'.))) anyway, whenever i try and give her a piece of information she sends me off to go and confirm it for her because obviously the fact that i've got two years experience means nothing when i'm also a student and a man. and twenty.

but yeah, all through my shift the same thought kept occuring to me (quite ironically i suppose, given the way she looks at me); how the fuck am i expected to cope with this? like this 80-some-odd year old woman says 'i realise my mummy and daddy are dead' to me and she thinks shes really young and there's no easy way i can explain her whole situation and i just have to hold her hand and smile. or 15 minutes before the end of my shift phyllis throws up everywhere and i have to take her to bed and clean her up and stuff. i just think, where am i supposed to have acquired the life-experience to deal with this stuff. its not healthy.

piss, shit and blood i can handle. vomit i just can't.

at work today i also had this awful moment when i realised i really need to start hanging around with people my own age more. this bloke we look after called ken was standing in the doorway to the kitchen where loads of us were standing dishing out the tea. and he's like 'theres a lot of cooks in the kitchen' and i ACTUALLY SAID (in what i assumed was a mock-wildean tone but was really just distressingly camp) 'yes, but are we spoiling the broth?' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i went out on saturday night. the good part; i found out that the southampton player fitz hall's nickname is 'one size'. do you see it? but otherwise i got too drunk and a lot of the night is blacked out and i wasn't let into a club and i had a stupid fucking argument with my mate. and it was my fault. i kind of made up with him and i was supposed to be staying at his house but i just really, really, really wanted to get home so i drove home at three in the morning off my face. kylle just asked me on msn how drunk i was, and i was like; 'well, i had to close one eye because of the double-vision and i can't remember if i had my headlights on or what route i actually took'. fucking hell, what a fucking wanker i am. i can't believe i did that, i could have killed someone or crashed my mum's car which she can barely afford to run as it is or i could have killed myself or got locked up. it really was (in a very non-flippant way) another point chalked up to God in the 'he does exist column' that i made it home. it was possibly the most stupid thing i have ever ever done, i havent even been able to talk to my sister about it, and im scared-shitless in case she reads it here. what a prize arse.
Nas - What Goes Around
on the karma tip. ed looks really cool playing the back there doesn't he? what up ed?

most disturbing thing about the gaza evacuations; all the young teenagers going in there to try and stop them and how full of hate they already are.

adios amigo, gotta go time.

peace! x x x

p.s. someone else just linked to me! 'A Tribute To Ignorance (Remix)' which is an incredible hip-hop mp3 blog. i'm never ever going to be able to touch the stuff that gets posted up there. but heres something anyway, you know the verse nas spits on 'verbal intercourse'? well that is the first verse on this song, called 'deja vu' which is generally on most of those 'best of nas' mixtapes as a 'pre-illmatic' song. if anyone is a bit more aware of the provenance of this song, hit me up. and anyone visiting this site for the first time, stick around, its not usually this waffley and crap.

Nas - Deja Vu

oh and on the slightly obscure uk hip-hop tip, which i'm not too bad at, this is a tune from Blak Twang's '19 Long Time' album (which actually got reviewed in the source or xxl i think) but never got a really decent release. rocks a cheeky lil' Simply Red sample beautifully.

Blak Twang - Red Letters

ahem

2005-08-13T14:14:00.000Z

i forgot one, sometimes whilst playing championship manager/football manager i get an erection. its generally when i make a mahoosive gamble with my team selection before a very important game. i would hate to find out what a psychologist would make of that. still i think i rate below my mate kylle on the weirdness scale; everytime he goes for a poo he has to think of ryan giggs dribbling (a football). that is just too bizarre for words.
holla!
x
x

....

2005-08-13T00:15:00.000Z

theres this website, http://postsecret.blogspot.com/, and its just amazing and upsetting and life-affirming. i wish i could tell everyone in the world about it. set it as your homepage. i always think that i don't really have any secrets good enough to go on there.

i've told people some of these. some of them i've never told anyone before.

-the evening before i took the J4 test to get into Sir Thomas Rich's Grammar School, my dad, who was then a primary school teacher, went through a photocopy of the test paper with me.

-i didn't figure out wanking until i was 16.

-i have taken cocaine twice.

-my sister cuts my hair because i think if i went to places like toni&guy the staff would laugh at me behind my back.

-i get girls phone numbers when i'm out and then don't txt them the next day because i'm too embarassed. i always feel really, really guilty about this.

-i fancy kemal from big brother.

-i lost my virginity when i was 19.

-i used to design cars and motorbikes. they were actually pretty good. i drew my best one the night my parents split up for the first time. i never drew any after that.

-i used to bully people at school.

-i am 20 years old and still don't have a realistic career plan.

-i have owned a bass guitar for over a year and still can't play a single note on it.

-i have had sex with three people. all of them have been one-offs. i regret one of them.

-i don't pull girls when i'm sober because i'm scared.

-at primary and secondary school i used to have weeks off at a time with a cough that i faked. my parents and my doctor were so worried i had to go and see specialists at a hospital.

-my only real regret is giving up Tae-Kwon-Do

-i used to walk around my bedroom naked with the curtains open and hope that the woman opposite would see me.

-i stopped going to see Gloucester play rugby because once i went with a mate and throughout the whole game a group of older lads behind me took the piss out of me for being ginger. i was about 13.

-i used to love sending txt messages until one of best mates sent me one to tell me his dad had died. now i hate them.

-i'm happy.

Kano - Nite Nite

2005-08-12T21:15:00.000Z

Kano feat. Mike Skinner & Leo The Lion - Nite Nite

so this has been my tune all week. its a summer jam that hasn't quite been yet, as its not released for a few weeks but should really have been blaring out of builder's dropside Ford Transits and on the in-store radio stations at girl's clothes shops and ting through all this sunny weather.

the intro to the song is perhaps the sound of mike skinner stretching his 'everyman' persona beyond reasonable credibility as he tries to tell a story about how he called a girl 'ladybird' because she always played red on connect4. which is obviously made up, but this just makes the song even more loveable.

the beat comes in, sub-kanye soul samples intertwined with the typical skinner plod.

but then the singer on the track starts singing the chorus straight off, using proper nu-British slang; 'linking girls' 'my mans'. and because he's British, he sounds so much more soulful and meaningful and real than any overpaid, overbuffed, oversexed overproduced American r'n'b oaf.

then kano, easily the best rapper around for lover-man raps, ('So Sure', 'Special Girl', 'Brown Eyes', 'Baby') excelling himself, like a more-lyrical flipside to Mike Skinner on 'Dy Your Eyes'.

then the beat starts to incorporate these little trumpet dabs, reminding me of Olu Dara on Nas' 'Life's A Bitch' and i'm just like daaaamn, this should be on radio 1 every hour until its number one and on every summer hits compilation for the next five years.

it makes me feel like i'm in love with someone even though i'm not.

peace x x x

p.s. i'm about to drive over to my dad's so i can go and request the video for this on channel u, its number 487, if anyone else fancies it.

p.p.s. - on a side note, how forlorn did the ex-housemates look when they were paraded on the big brother final. nice to see science get a cheer. in fact i'd agree with all the respective boos and cheers. power to the people!

shake your bum bum, shake your batty-atty

2005-08-09T22:00:00.000Z

something really distressing has happened to me.
i have completely and utterly lost the ability to dance.

fortunately i have only discovered this in my living room, and so far my sister is the only witness but still; i once received a card solely on the basis of my dancing ability! (hold tight caroline) people used to approach me on our university campus DURING THE DAYTIME and complement me on my dancing the night before! strangers! who were probably hungover!

this feels a bit like losing a limb, everytime i hear a song i should dance to there is a strange itching sensation instead of my usual two-step and shimmy. my sister views the problem as me having become 'too floppy'. i think i need a decent role model; justin needs to make a comeback. but really. i don't think anyone else can grasp the full extent of this: i was the only person who used to properly do 'pon di river, pon di bank' when elephant man got played! i studyed the dances at the end of sean paul's 'like glue' video. i was the first person i know how to 'brush my shoulders off'. i even tried to do that little getting in a car thing that usher does at the end of the 'u remind me' video. now i dance like puff daddy in the p.e. 2000 video. or nat. (wassup son?)

have i reached the age, where, as a man, i can no longer dance unironically? is the next stage clicking my fingers slightly behind the beat??

i am going to make my sister promise to return to full dancing round the living room practice status once shes back home again. preferably to this song:

SL2 - On A Ragga Tip

i will return stronger from this setback.

in the meantime, i have taken the precautionary measure of purchasing an L.E.D. BELT BUCKLE! Holla!
yeah, you read that right, you thought i couldn't step up my belt buckle game any higher than the 'GIZ' buckle; think again bitches! i can scroll or flash up to 255 characters at a time! including hearts and smilies! this will, literally change my life. i will, literally (well...) have to wade through gash when i get back to university.

its arriving tomorrow!!!!!!!!

peace!
x x x

p.s - i think my direct debit must have bounced or some shit, because o2 aren't letting me send txts or make outward calls. i can still recieve though, so don't let that stop you (although i imagine its me using phrases like 'wade through gash' that are more likely to) (make you stop i mean).

when they play that new jeez all the dope boys go crazy!

flow tighter than johnny borrell's jeans

2005-08-07T22:35:00.000Z

i haven't done any proper writing on here for ages have i? it's now 9:54pm, i am giving myself half an hour to write something good. i'll see you back here in half an hour.

well.... its not great. or even good. but then, i suppose i can only improve:

I tried cocaine,
but all i really needed to make me nerveless was the reflective surface,
is that bigheaded?
well, i just write to find a purpose,
at 3.a.m. i still get nervous,
distressed,
at the image of me ten years hence,
in an off-the-peg pin-stripe suit from Next,
forwarding joke e-mails from a soulless desk,
banal flirting based on disinterest,
bedsit living,
with only Carling to drink,
wanking over Nuts into the bathroom sink,
so what do you think?
since i turned 20 i've been grieving,
'cos my England chances are fast receding,
instead all i've got are child access hearings,
microwave dinners every evening,
afterwards down to some Dan Brown reading,
but i've got a penis and i deserve it really

all the other random lines i wrote but couldn't put in:
-white rapper, i offend two races at once

-i pursue 'mics' like tom sneddon

-break shit up like a sphincter muscle

-i take the piss like a catheter bag

-the only rapper alive, in touch with his feminine side

i don't do it for the fame,
i don't do it for the wealth,
i'd do it for the women,
but i do alright myself

i think i'd better stop before i embarass myself further.

peace
x
x
x

R.I.P.

2005-08-06T23:10:00.000Z

so my mum just told me robin cook died. i was like 'what, the tv investigative journalist? he hasn't been on tv for ages has he?' (thinking of roger cook), my mum says no, the politician. damn, wasn't expecting that.

but yeah, rest in peace to you robin cook, you were crap at putting in place 'an ethical foreign policy' as foreign secretary (selling arms to indonesia and what not), but at least you did stand up for your principles eventually. respect.

peace x x

p.s. does this now mean i'm the most intelligent ginger person in the world too?

Love is.....

2005-08-06T22:32:00.000Z

-A sham

-Arguing with someone and stopping it dead with a smile

-Partially sighted

-Kissing

-Drunk words and sober thoughts

-What brought me here

-Knowing the ad-libs on your favourite song

-Unrequited

-Only understood when you have kids

-Finding someone sexier with age

-Singing badly but meaning the words

-Debt

-God?

-Your favourite mc still making some mean cash

-Sending valentines cards

-Meeting your heroes and making a twat of yourself

-Sitting in a warm pub with friends

-Ignorance (actually, that's bliss)

-Life

-Eye contact

-A spliff and a tune

-My parents splitting up for the sake of the children

from my diary, January 7th 2005
it was a spider diagram!
i imagine i was hungover

this song....
George Harrison - I Dig Love
is covered by this lady....
Asha Puthli - I Dig Love (check out the bong sounds on the intro)
and then 22 years later is sampled for this....
Kano feat. D Double E & Demon - Reload It
(seriously, if you love jungle download this, if you love drum'n'bass download this, if you love hip-hop download this and if you love grime.... then you already have it)

now i've been paid i've finally been able get the kano album. first impressions are pretty good, certainly better than with the roll deep album. but i'll let you know.

and i'm out.

peace!

p.s. looking back i realise i talk about wanking a lot. (like here, and here and here). but then you have to understand it is the one sexual technique i feel i have fully grasped (all puns intended)

Young Jeezy feat. Jay-Z & Fat Joe - Go Crazy (Remix) Download Free Mp3

2005-08-05T22:45:00.000Z

sorry about the title, just seeing how easy it is to increase the number of people looking at ur site. for those here for that track tho:

Young Jeezy feat. Jay-z & Fat Joe - Go Crazy (Remix)

shit is fire. scroll down for more hip-hop mpfrees.

Favourite rap line of the day:
'Half black, half spainish, half retarded' - Noreaga on The Heatmakerz 'City Boy'

If i have a son and only impart one piece of advice for him to remember for the rest of his life, it would be this:

'Righty tighty, lefty loosey'
i reckon i still end up saying this several times a day to myself when confronted by door locks and what-not.

so yeah i worked my second 11-hour shift of the week yesterday, got through it with the aid of two tactical Red Bulls, one on my morning tea-break and one at lunchtime, then i surfed that wave of caffeine and nausea to the end of my shift. my favourite thing about work at the moment is my journey to and from it, just driving my mum's car blasting hip-hop. i'm actually quite gutted now schools have broken up because its taken about 20 minutes off my journeytime. if you are in the cheltenham area and you see a skinny ginger bloke rapping passionately along to The Lox in a red skoda with the windows down, oblivious to the outside world, then that'll be me. i made a really random cd to listen to on the way to work yesterday, just putting any old song off my p.c. on it; it worked perfectly. these are my current top 2 driving songs:

T.I. - Rubberband Man
it has a childrens' choir! any song with a childrens' choir on it rules!

T.T.C. - Ebisu Rendez-Vous
french hip-hop, sounds amazing really loud

so yeah this is the matching photo of me and my sister, the happy one, i thought i looked better in the other one, in this one i look about twelve:
oh yeah, the other week i talked about tixie of babecast. this was full of errors. tixie is on babestation not babecast. babestation's channel is actually 172, not to be confused with 214 which is l!ve tv's. this confusion occured because it is actually impossible to think coherently whilst masturbating. i found this out several years ago whilst wanking over the MOBO awards (well keeping my self in a state of constant readiness ready for someone fit to perform) whilst attempting to platonically txt a female friend about the ceremony. i ended up asking her out.
neway this is txie. its not the best picture of her. i'd get married to her tomorrow. holla at me when i'm famous.

so in consecutive posts we move from birthday wishes to my sister, to tixie from babecast.

you need to check am i high??? this dude has the demo version of justin timberlake's 'like i love you' (with pharell doing the vocals) for download. niiiiice.

customised detailing on various pairs of my jeans. i can't afford designer jeans so i have to fart about with stuff like this:
notes:
-thats a real gloucestershire constabulary badge. i'll probably add some pithy txt to it; 'help the police - shoot yourself' perhaps
-bob geldof managed to misquote the 'in the end...' lyric at he climax to live8 (which, with the situation in niger, i'm feeling more and more cheated by)

peace!
x

p.s. for those concerned i teefed that copy of the Daily Express the other day

love you ames

2005-08-03T22:13:00.000Z

Rap lyrics that have been in my head recently:

'gucci shades up on my braids when i escalade' - Slim Thug on 'Still Tippin'

'i move 'caine' like a cripple' Malice of The Clipse on 'Grindin'

'tattoed 'gilla' feelin' in my prime' - Redman on 'Gillahouse Check'

'twas my sister's birthday today. because i'm a shithouse of a brother i haven't got her anything yet. plus i managed to book myself an 11-hour shift today and the same again tomorrow so i haven't really been able to join in the festivities, at least thats enabled my sister, mum and dad (they reunite for birthdays, school parents evenings and university visits) to go for a chinese.

yesterday while i was at work the most random memory of my sister came back to me. when we were about 12 and 10 a friend of the family gave us a camera so that i could take it apart and look at how it worked (maybe i'll tell you more about my christ-child upbringing at a later date). neway as soon as we got the camera my sister gave it a name, decided it lived in her bedroom drawer and cried any time i asked if i could take it apart. she still has it to this day.

when i went to see my sister during our first terms at uni we had this really special moment. me, my mum and my dad were all in her room feeling a little bit awkward after all the hugs and stuff so i went to put some music on her cd player. i saw my nas 'stillmatic' cd on her windowsill so i grabbed it and had a massive urge to put on this song on it called 'rule', which is this kinda-political heal-the world style song which nicks the chorus from that Tears For Fears song 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World'. so i put it on and my sister starts crying, because like every morning up to then she'd listened to that song first thing and had fallen in love with it. we both ended up in fucking floods then.

please don't look at my sister's tits

i just ate chips. my mum's bought some tesco own-brand vinegar, it smells like vinegar, looks like vinegar, but my chips still taste like potato. when i was younger my mum used to buy tesco own-brand cornflakes and put them inside empty kellogg's corn-flakes packets. i could always tell. no lie.

but yeah. thats your lot.

Nas feat. Amerie - Rule

peace x x x

Saul Williams - Telegram

2005-08-01T22:55:00.000Z


I'm falling up flights of stairs, scraping myself from the sidewalk,
jumping from rivers to bridges, drowning in pure air.
Hip Hop is lying on the side of the road, half dead to itself.
Blood scrawled over its mangled flesh, like jazz,
stuffed into an oversized record bag.
Tuba lips swollen beyond recognition.
Diamond studded teeth strewn like rice at karma's wedding.
The ring bearer bore bad news.
Minister of information wrote the wrong proclamation.
Now everyone's singing the wrong song.
Dissonant chords find necks like nooses.
That nigga kicked the chair from under my feet.
Harlem shaking from a rope, but still on beat.
"Damn that loop is tight."
Nigga, found a way to sample the way the truth the light.
Can't wait to play myself at the party tonight.
Niggas are gonna die.
Cop car swerves to the side of the road.
Hip Hop takes its last breath.
The cop scrawls vernacular manslaughter onto a yellow pad,
then balls the paper into his hand, deciding he'd rather free-style.
"You have the right to remain silent."
You have the right to remain silent.
You have the right to remain silent.
And maybe you should have before your bullshit manifested.

These thugs can't fuck with me, they're too thugged out.
Niggas think I'm bugged out, 'cause I ain't Sean John or Lugged out.
This ain't hip hop no more, son, it's bigger than that.
This ain't ghetto no more, black, it's bigger than black.
So where my aliens at?
Girl, we're all illegal.
This system ain't for us.
It's for rich people.
And you ain't rich, dawg, you just got money.
But you can't buy shit to not get hungry.

Telegram to Hip Hop:
Dear Hip Hop .(stop).
This shit has gone too far. (stop).
Please see that mixer and turntables are returned to Kool Herc. (stop).
The ghettos are dancing off beat. (stop).
The master of ceremonies have forgotten
that they were once slaves and have neglected
the occasion of this ceremony. (stop).
Perhaps we should not have encouraged them
to use cordless microphones, for they have
walked too far from the source and
are emitting a lesser frequency (stop).
Please inform all interested parties that
cash nor murder have been added to the list of elements. (stop).
We are discontinuing our current line
of braggadocio, in light of the current trend in "realness". (stop).
As an alternative, we will be
confiscating weed supplies and
replacing them with magic mushrooms, in hopes
of helping niggas see beyond their reality. (stop).
Give my regards to Brooklyn.

These thugs can't fuck with me, they're too thugged out.
Niggas think I'm bugged out, 'cause I ain't Sean John or Lugged out.
This ain't hip hop no more, son, it's bigger than that.
This ain't ghetto no more, black, it's bigger than black.
So where my aliens at?
Girl, we're all illegal.
This system ain't for us.
It's for rich people.
And you ain't rich, dawg, you just got money.
But you can't buy shit to not get hungry.

in the cut like butterfly stitches

2005-07-30T22:15:00.000Z

Boy boy boy i grab boy, send for the ting then i stab boy
cookie on skepta's 'private caller'.

had dinner with my mum and sister tonight, two lovely vignettes from them.
my sister came back a week ago from being a counsellor at this christian camp for kids in canada. she was telling us about this one little girl with a food allergy, and how everytime she got given something to eat, even just chocolate, she'd sit there patiently, never complaining, while all the other kids around her were stuffing their faces, until the nurse came and gave her a tablet so she could eat.

so that reminded me; 'we all have our crosses to bear'.

then my mum told us about when she went round our next door neighbours house. theyre a retired couple, very nice, but also rather staid. they go on motor home holidays. but neway my mum said she went in and there were loads of amazing landscapes on all the walls, and it turned out the husband had painted them all.

so that reminded me to look for the beauty inside everyone.

Nice & Smooth - Sometimes I Rhyme Slow
this song is just amazing, like an acknowledged hip-hop classic but i only heard it today. rocks an amazing Tracy Chapman sample from 'Fast Car'. just blissful. everytime i fall slightly out of love with hip-hop something like this always turns up.

Mad Lads - Make This Young Lady Mine
the OG sample for De La Soul's 'Eye Know'.

finished toby litt's 'finding myself' today. it's written from the point of view of a female author. she talks about her period; 'feeling my period about to start - insides very sorry for themselves.' And it just struck me how much more in tune women are with their bodies (or are forced to be). and how much more they are connected with the natural cycle of life. well actually that second 'insight' comes from the almost unintelligible intro to 'Summer With Miami' by Jim Jones:

they tell me life is a bitch, she something like the seasons,
just like mother nature she come and go as she please,
thats why they get their period once a month

but yeah, neway, i was just thinking its mad that every female i've ever met has had this change in their whole bodies make-up to deal with once a month every month and how i've never ever thought about it too much in relation to their actions or feelings really. and that the world never really pays much attention to it or allows for it either. they all have that shared experience and men never really think too much about it. maybe it changes as we get older, maybe i just got this realisation late. maybe.

also ironic that this all dawned on me owing to a male writer.

i apologise for writing all that like its a big insight or sumthin. but fuck off, you have it good, this shit is better than 90% of all the other blogs out there. well......

Jim Jones feat. Trey Songz - Summer With Miami
jim jones is probably a bit like what i'd be like if i was a rapper, technically deficient but strangely deep.

i'm out

peace x x x

p.s.
so i indulge in self-mythology
until its self-fulfilling prophecy
and i become the hip-hop pete doherty
i've been tryin to make those lines work all day today. still struggling.

p.p.s. on the new ms. dynamite song. production is weak. she's not really rhyming like she can. what is the point of her making a club/pop song about putting the guns down? its surely intended just to give a voyeuristic thrill to suburban kids, cos i can't see ne real gunmen thinking 'yeah maybe i won't pack my skens tonight' because they heard radio 1 play a ms. dynamite song. and then the male rapper on the track compounds the problem by trying to keep his hard man image; going on like 'yeah i am leaving the gat at home tonight, beacuse thats what the tracks about, but if you start anything with me on road then i will shoot you because its just a one night ting'. which is hardy getting in the spirit of things is it? and she swears a lot which again defeats the point. she needs to make tracks like she used to with so solid and sticky. or just let her brother take over. really hope it wasn't him doing the verse actually. this is quite negative and maybe i'm getting into the domain of my eligibility as a white 20-year old student to comment on the quality or otherwise of 'black' music. but thats another topic for another day. but yeah ms. dynamite is more talented than this track evidences. we'll leave it there okay? but then i should admire her for having the overarching responsibility to actually put a message even in a club track, i mean the world would probably be a better place if all rappers did this? i don't know, i wish i hadn't even started thinking about all this. do you know what, in the midst of writing this i searched for ms. dynamite on google and reminded myself i fancy her a bit and actually decided i should be nicer. thats how my brain works.

i bought 'it takes more' the day it came out.

p.p.p.s. downloaded and am listening to a jawside roll deep pirate radio set. haven't done it for ages. makes me happy. wiley's new album will be shanguli.

p.p.p.p.s. yes i am trying to incorporate new slang into my daily life. the other day i actually called bristol city's younger players 'the youngers' without thinking whilst in conversation with my dad. a proud moment.

Yeah you hear about what I do in the streets, but you gon' love what I do in the sheets, ha!

2005-07-29T23:35:00.000Z

eaaaaasy,

so neway in the independent today johann hari (my favourite 'serious' newspaper columnist; the others are mark steel (who has disappeared from the independent's pages for a suspicious while actually) and matthew norman) nailed the shit about the daily express in a far more cogent and reasoned way than i could:

'...refugees are evidently a different matter. Everyone feels free to vilify and abuse them. One "newspaper" put on its front page this week: 'Bombers are all sponging asylum seekers: Britain gave them refuge and now all they want to do is pay us back with death." There was no attempt to distinguish between a tiny number of insane people, and the overwhelming majority of asylum-seekers. The same newspaper then compounded this by inviting readers to text an answer to the question: "Should all asylum-seekers now be turned back?" Well, they are all guilty because of the actions of two people aren't they?
Nor did they explain even the most basic facts. Muktar Said Ibrahim and Yasin Hassan Omar did not "come to Britain to kill". They arrived in Britain when they were 14 and 11 years old respectively - and they were fleeing genuine persecution. No amount of weeding out, no stricter border controls, no tests could have kept them out, short of becoming the only developed country in the world to refuse to take genuine child refugees.
These men were radicalised and turned to jihadism in Britain.

Another interesting fact that this brought up:
-An oxfam study recently found that asylum-seekers in this country live well below the poverty line, with 85% unable to feed themselves and their children properly.

fucking spongers.

politics over.

my sister cut my hair tonight. short at the sides, trimmed at the back and on top and with most of the fringe left. basically i look a bit like the drummer from blink-182 with my pinhead ass:

ya see me king?

thats about it. nice to see pras michel relaunching his rap career:
Pras Michel & Sharli McQueen - Still Haven't Found
even though son really, really can't rap.

unlike Sway:
Sway ft. Pyrelli - Up Your Speed
just starting to get play on channel U. nice interpolation of the old-school bbc grand prix theme.

incidentally the bbc has the best sports theme songs: eg; the snooker, the old test match, ski sunday, grand prix, match of the day, grandstand. fiyah!

for all you non-hip-hop heads:
Kings of Leon - Four Kicks
if i wasn't ginger with curly hair i would try and dress like a member of this band. i might still try it when my hair grows bak like jacek (jus' a lil' blackburn rovers in europe reference there).

peace
x
x
x

ps. the new girls aloud. (westwood bomb noises)
pps. westwood on pimp my ride uk (westwood bomb noises)
ppps. is westwood still using bomb noises in the current political climate?
pppps. don't suppose ne1 who reads this 'watches' babecast (off the top of my head; sky channel 172?!) but i must confess tixie is sexy, especially the way she seems to have prostituted her whole appearance to the most base male fantasies. thats nasty. that makes my pee-pee go da-doing-doing-doing.
ppppps. tried to find a picture of tixie to illustrate this. couldn't. google step ur wank game up!
pppppps. my mate kylle txts babecast.
ppppppps. i fear that one day either he or i will txt in and the other of us will be watching and know it was us.

try to understand life before you pull a trigger and take another life

2005-07-27T22:30:00.000Z

it's giz the illest, still spittin vicious,
as i did as a kid off motorway bridges

yeah, wassup? so this is the measured, restrained front page the Daily Express decided to run with today. seriously. it looks like something Private Eye would mock up as a spoof doesn't it? i don't really need to say much, it sort of speaks for itself. it makes me so fucking angry. inside a phone-poll: should all asylum seekers now be turned away; yes or no?

i really don't know how grown adults can live with themselves when they put out newspapers like this; this isn't news coverage, this is incitement to racial hatred. the language is so inflammatory and based on the most tenuous of truths, that two of the men the police are looking for come from asylum-seeking families and that one of them has claimed £40,000 in benefits over the last 6 years, already a marked rise from the £23,000 on the front cover of yesterdays Sun. i really think i might frame this front cover, just to remind me about all the ignorance and hate that the right-wing press loves to deseminate.

i also presume that the police are intending to shoot the men they are looking for on sight, as revealing their previous criminal convictions surely would prejudice any trial?

this is not written out of sympathy for the 'bombers' at all, but instead in the interests of all the asylum seekers out there whose lives are going to be made that little bit more unbearable tomorrow because of this disgusting newspaper.

-break-

work was aiight today. this dude came in and sang loads of old songs; 'new york, new york', 'we'll meet again', loads of matt munro and cliff richard. it was really cool. he had an electric clarinet! this meant that not only could it not sound very much like a clarinet it could also not sound very much like a saxaphone or an oboe either! Phyllis got up and danced with her zimmer frame, quite an acheivement when it generally needs to of us two get her out of her chair to take her to the loo.

i sometimes think about all the first names that are dieing out with a generation. the gladys', and the doris' and the phyllis', the joyces, the bettys, the noras, the joans. its quite sad really.

i'm gonna go and catch the second half of big bruv.

Wiley - Doorway
'what do you want money or happiness, me i'm liable to go for the money'
thats the first line, yet its incredibly uplifting. a rapper celebrating human weakness. even his own.

love,
me x x

i know sufferah, sufferah don't know you

2005-07-26T22:40:00.000Z

easy. well i do really want to talk about bristol city vs. bristol rovers last night. but first, i saw a male catheter being put in tonight, and i would just like to say that i'd never even imagined that stuff could go into that hole not just come out of it, let alone that smoothly.

fin.

but yeah, last night i saw bristol city play bristol rovers at bristol rovers. the most police i've ever seen at a football match, even more than millwall or cardiff or everton. we were in the away terrace and there they all were filming us with their camcorders; faces stored away for future reference. then when we left the ground they were all standing in the exit gate forcing us to walk slowly between them in their riot gear rather than letting people flow out. and then they held everyone except women and children back for ages. when we finally did get out it was still going off anyway, most people who wanted a barney didn't bother with the match in the first place i don't think. i couldn't be arsed with it, i just borrowed my dad's fleece, covered up my colours and we got out of there.

good points: michael bridges (we've signed michael bleeding bridges!), just seeing marcus stewart sitting on our bench confirmed that his signing wasn't a dream, dave coterrill our magic 17-year old, skuse! city scoring their goal whilst a rovers player was down injured, the curry me and my dad had beforehand at a random indian on the gloucester road, standing on a terrace, brian tinnion (our manager) turning up dressed in a short-sleeved ben sherman shirt; obviously going up town after the game, the fact that we pissed all over rovers, the fact that city's support was (for want of a better word) 70% chav was also nice too; showed we haven't become too poncey and middle-class despite mine and my dad's attendance (not that i'm saying i'm middle class either (although my kids will be) but that's another discussion for another day).

bad points: the fake lads stood behind me; all casual racism and trying to outdo each other by naming famous city hooligans over in the other stand, my legs aching after standing up for that long, sitting in chewing gum at half time and putting it all over my dads car seat, and to be honest thats about it. it was grand.

ee-ey-ee-ey-ee-ey-oh!
up the football here we go!

Its about to heat up, heat up
da riddem gunna get beat up, beat up
your girl she wants to sleep up, sleep up,
two veg, one meat up

so yeah. i'm becoming obssessed with wiley again. found my 'run the road' album and listened to it to and from work. it's got roll deep's 'let it out' on it, which is just a calming exhale of breath in the form of a song, but also so much more than that. last time i really listened to it i wrote this. then it's got 'destruction v.i.p.' with his torrent of 'i know trouble, trouble said he don't know you, i know beef, beef said he don't know you, i know .38, .38 don't know you, i know ghetto, ghetto life don't know you, i know who's who, who's who don't know you' lines. but he's such a complex, unfathomable figure, who doesn't turn up for top of the pops or cd:uk but is on pirate radio every night. who found and nurtured dizzee rascal and was a man so obviously distraught by the divergence of their paths. a man who basically created a new genre of music. he's just deep. wiley, wiley kat, eski boy, kylie, willy. here's 3 interesting snapshots of him:

Wiley Interview - Phone-in Interview from pirate radio, ridiculously entertaining, dissing this bloke Jamakabi who called his crew 'Real Deep'
Wiley Song explaining Dizzee's stabbing in Ayia Napa
Wiley - I Miss You Freestyle

and the Roll Deep track: Roll Deep - Let It Out (I love Trim's verse on this, the way he says 'you know i'm not a prick so why are you saying it?' and he sounds really aggreived)

the new nas diss of 50 cent is floating around. further proof of nas being the greatest rapper of all time. that whole 'ethereal bit'; gorgeous.

Nas - MC Burial (Don't Body Yourself) from spinemagazine.com

and i'm out. i rocked my hair curly to work today. it felt gravy not to have to arse about with it.

peacerooney x x x x

'got out the club, seen the police diallo deep'
innocent people get shot by police in britain too now. got feelings about this incident. might chat about them tomorrow.

p.s. scratchy d is my most favourite emcee in the whole wide world at this very second.

so understand i know from first hand the lies of a church man, high off his first gramme

2005-07-23T22:18:00.000Z

i'm from the place where hardcore is beautiful.

the other night i went up cleeve hill with my mates. this is the third summer we've done it and i suppose it's become a bit of tradition. usually involves beers, barbecues, an acoustic guitar, soft drugs and a few games of 'i have never'.

this time there was quite a tangible feeling of us all having grown-up a bit. well, basically a lot more people drank when anal sex came up in 'i have never'. but also more of them have proper, serious girlfriends and most of them finish university next year. the flipside of this is that we haven't really grown-up at all, we all ended up running through stinging nettles and jumping on top of each other and trying to do stone-cold stunners and sniffing poppers and putting our lighters on the fire to see what happened (a very satisfying pfoooshy explosion). it was just fucking great, everytime i see my mates i'm reminded of how much i miss them.

Myself and Sedwens

Yun demonstrates his usual fortitude in the face of alcohol consumption

Two-thirds of Golden Glory play the most moving rendition of 'There She Goes' I've ever heard. I took vocals. And yes, that is a harmonica

Fitzy, Elvis, Yunny and Mossy

It's a pimp in my ride, no need to pimp the ride (Holla at the old dear's Skoda)

Sammy in the best hoodie in the world

Apart from all this i've been becoming increasingly infatuated with cricket. Especially when Shane Warne's bowling and the Aussie wicketkeeper keeps shouting 'awwwww, nice one Shaaane' after every delivery in a terrific nasal whine.

To get into the spirit i read Ian Botham's autobiography again. A typical quote:

'It was untrue, of course, and I made them pay for it later in an out of court settlement'

Music-wise i've been listening to:
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Gangsta Boo - Sippin' & Spinnin' (Dirty Doc Jam Remix)
this is just sublime
Roll Deep - Remember The Days (Chopped & Screwed by Radioclit.com)
this is even more sublimer, the first 40seconds or so brings me as close to tears as the intro to LL Cool J's 'Ill Bomb'. and thats saying something. actually the intro to that really did make me cry once, i just broke down in front of the life-affirming power of hip-hop.
LL Cool J - Ill Bomb
so maybe you should give it a listen. the scratched in 'just call my name' at the start, which should really be God's own theme song, framing LL as some kind of Fubu wearing Archangel from Farmers Boulevard.

and i'm out.

Science is finally 'free like the littlest hobo'.

Peace x x x

p.s. this is still the best picture of me (subtext: any excuse to post it up again)
if u went on a blind date with me and this was the picture you had to go on, would you be disappointed? would you even be able to recognise me in a bar? it isn't even that good is it?

p.p.s. congratulations go to Spurs for winning the highly prestigious 'Peace Cup'. well done lads.

i'm so gangsta prissy chicks don't want to fuck with me

2005-07-21T21:22:00.000Z

this is my whole shit at the moment.

Lee Ryan - Army of Lovers

what a song. what a voice. i think he might actually be a proper genius; he's got a book of poetry coming out! and he's going to direct a film script he wrote when he was 15! and he communed with the spirit of janis joplin through a medium! he's a proper pop-star, charismatic, likeable and slightly mental.
i would like to formally apologise to Lee Ryan for me and Sam Ewens trying to copy Duncan James' styles in Blue when we were in Sixth Form (sideways belt buckles; salute!) when Lee was obviously where it was really at.

peace! x x x

Name a single other shop that takes milk tokens for booze

2005-07-19T22:46:00.000Z

another day off today, back to work tommorow. not much to interesting to report, i found a load of toxic marker pens this morning and spent ages sniffing them and dancing round the room to this song:
DJ Daz - The Woah Song (seriously download this, its by the bloke who did the rapping on the mid-'90's remake of Kung Fu fighting (by 'Bus Stop') and he's also part of 'Uniting Nations')
i really really wanted to be in jumpin' jaks at that point

then i got a massive headache and went and had a shower.

erm, really short of stuff to say today. my bad.

the one interesting thought i've heard today (POLITICS ALERT! - from now on 'Politics Alerts' will be represented by this image:
i need to end the brackets don't I? Here you go)
but anyway I was reading this bloke Simon Reynolds' weblog (http://blissout.blogspot.com) and on it he talked about the ideas of this bloke ; kpunk (how bloody poncey and 'new media literate' is all this? i am drowning in waves of self loathing as i write this). this other bloke wrote:

"The rise of Islamism must be correlated with the demise of the Left. If it has become the default repository for Muslim rage against injustice then that is partly due to the US, which, as is well-known, funded Ilamist Jihadis in a bid to defeat Communism. Since only something like Communism could absorb and re-direct the energies that are fuelling al Qaeda, I look forward to the day when the US will fund Islamic Communism, and the circle will be complete."

nice.

peacerooney x x x x x

p.s. i hope orlaith doesn't get booed. she can always come to me for some comfort. people have slagged off her face, i think she's really cute. and she has the best tits.

p.p.s. sorry about that.

dipset-related, 80's music miracles; part 1

2005-07-19T13:29:00.000Z

making a song with jon bon jovi's voice on it listenable.
Beanie Siegel & Cam'ron - Wanted (On The Run)

Damon Albarn - 'I know it's a very flippant thing to say, but if Kurt Cobain had listened to Dipset, he'd probably be alive today. I know it sounds the most ridiculous thing, but if you listen to Dipset you'll know what it means.. I find it increasingly hard to think of things they can't solve. To do with love, maybe. They don't solve anything between men and women, but I think they can solve most things between men and men.'

peace! x x x

ok, so Damon Albarn was really talking about football. but that was possibly even more ridiculous, coming from a nouveaux Chelsea fan. no disrespect.

roll with a bag of mans that's gangsta, bag of mans bag of weed thats gangsta

2005-07-18T21:32:00.000Z

yeeeeah. two things are making me very, very happy at the moment (and to some extent this goes to show what a sad individual i have become).

1) The Diplomats - Instrumental Catalog 2
just downloaded this, its a full album collection of some of the best beats in recent hip-hop history, including some i've been looking for for ages, and one that i didn't even know was a diplomats beat when ruff sqwad freestlyed over it on their guns 'n' roses mixtape.... (that was just a bit of extra colour for all you non-hip-hop heads out there, didn't you feel like you were 'down' for a split second then? now go and download the tracks i've put up here for your enjoyment and bang your head like f u c k. then try and do a little freestyle rap over them. go on, there's no-one listening.....)
Jim Jones - End Of The Road Instrumental
Cam'ron - What Means The World To You Instrumental (been looking for this for tiiiiime, lovely sample from 'Roxanne')

2) Toby Litt - Finding Myself
i remember reading an interview by scoop jackson (basketball writer; the best journalist in the world) with allen iverson (my most favouritest basketball player ever) about 5 or 6 years ago. scoop asked him if he was to lose his own game and had to have the game of any other nba player who would he have? AI was like 'latrell sprewell man, give me dude's game right now'. i want toby litt's writing game right now. this man is just insanely creative and such a succulently wonderful observant of character. and he wrote (in 'beatniks');

'neal had the look of a pretty girl's first post-braces boyfriend; jack of the second.'

straight up and down, i just to want to write like toby litt. not bad for a bloke i only started reading because when i woke up hungover (well... still twatted) in a strange room in Laura Garlick's house after a party, his book 'adventures in capitalism' was on the floor next to me.

so thats that. big brother's on. my sister phoned from canada today, i'm now aware of how far away she is and i really really want her home safely.

peace x x x

p.s. for the first time in my life my mum trusted me to wash the car WITH THE HOSE PIPE! now thats progress.

p.p.s. u can probably add the 'shameless' repeats as number three on that list if you want.

general narcissism

2005-07-18T14:15:00.000Z

day off work today, i've been filling time doing personality tests!

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	84%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

83% Narcissm!! 90% Vanity!! 83% Peter Pan Complex!!

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:

messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (64%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (32%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Career Inventory Test Results

Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Inquisitiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%

You are an Inventor, possible professions include - systems designer, venture capitalist, actor, journalist, investment broker, real estate agent, real estate developer, strategic planner, political manager, politician, special projects developer, literary agent, restaurant/bar owner, technical trainer, diversity manager, art director, personnel systems developer, computer analyst, logistics consultant, outplacement consultant, advertising creative director, radio/TV talk show host.

Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

THIS WAS THE BEST TEST BY FAR:

I have issues with...

birth
present
health
forget
rest

Take Word Association Test

peace x x x

some people run from trouble, some people meet it halfway, others are glad to pay the cab fare over

2005-07-17T22:53:00.000Z

easy. so i went back to watching big brother. actually cheered out loud when i heard that makosi and vanessa were the two housemates with the highest votes. then, watching the group eviction thing i felt very,very guilty. what kind of entertainment was that? it was pretty harsh to put a human being through that for the purposes of a tv programme wasn't it? but then vanessa came out and did her interview with davina and i didn't really feel sorry for her anymore.

i ended up staying up really late on friday night reading about g.g. allin; 'the most spectacular degenerate in rock and roll history'. not sure i really want to tell you about him, bloke sounds like a bit of a twat to be honest. read this (probably not advised if you have a nervous disposition, and its only an msn music biography). but yeah, it didn't really make me feel wonderful. duke always threatened to kill himself on stage, got imprisoned before he could do it, eventually died of a drug overdose. i would now normally say 'what a waste', but i guess you could say his life and death were entirely how he wanted them to be. his motto: live fast, die fast.
if this has piqued you're curiosity, you can read more than you would ever humanly want to here: The G.G. Allin SuperSite

saturday i chilled. city were playing hereford in hereford, which is a pre-season friendly me and my dad always go and see because its quite nearby, but we completely missed it this year. in the end i just went round my dads for a takeaway and to watch the boxing. ended up doing loads of crosswords with him and his girlfriend (is my dad too old for a girlfriend? 'partner' makes him sound gay); up until last night they had done 145 or so without ever completing one; we did three in a row together! (inordinately proud of that). ended up accusing my dad of being homophobic, which he is, and which has always slightly bothered me, but that wasn't the venue i intended on doing it in. incidentally, if my dad ever asks me if i'm gay (which he must consider occasionally, if only because of the fashion sense) i will say yes intially, just to see his reaction.

on the drive over to my da's i was listening to the libertines' 'i get along' ep. and i was loving it. just reminded me that no matter what happens to pete and carl, we'll always have the songs.

just worked a 9-3 shift this morning and chilled in the garden reading the paper this afternoon. i'm trying to learn how to skip at the moment. i can't do any tricky boxing-style steps though so i just jump up and down on the spot like a 5-year old. quite embarassing when the neighbours look into our garden.

The Libertines - Don't Look Back Into The Sun (Babyshambles Sessions Version 1)
this is a lovely chilled out version of (one of) their greatest moment(s)

and i'm out.

peace x x x

2005-07-15T21:55:00.000Z

damn g, today was a good day. man, i feel so good right now, i've got a can of ice-cold Foster's Export, Big Brother's shaping up lovely (please, please, please can Vanessa go! i've already voted three times) and just as the page to write this on loaded up this chopped & screwed version of 'Killa Cam' by Cam'ron started to play on computer.

'Screwing & Chopping' is a pretty weird practice, it basically involves slowing the speed of a record down (screwing) and then scratching the record to emphasise certain parts of it (chopping), when its done properly it makes songs sound hypnotic and all kind of things seep out from the music that you wouldn't notice otherwise. 'Killa Cam' is a wonderfully sublime song anyway, these chants of 'Killa Cam, Killa Cam Yeah, Killa Cam Killa Cam Cam Killa Cam Yeah' like a muezzin calling the faithful to prayer, and slowed down tonight it sounds so deep i could drown.

Cam'ron - Killa Cam
Cam'ron - Killa Cam (Screwed & Chopped)

I went into town today, I went into Oxfam and brought a really really bizarre suit jacket. it has this really weird fabric which has white slashes all over it and its cut in a very dated fashion with these enormous vents on the back and massive pockets. the arms fit really well, unfortunately they're the only bit that do. two years ago this wouldn't have bothered me and i would have just worn the fucker to wetherspoons neway just to be different (i have worn some ridiculous clothes in my life) but now i seem to have got a bit more self-awareness, so i'll just pose in front of the mirror in it until i get fat. plus it smells of old man, i must have worn it for a grand total of 2minutes this afternoon and my jumper still smells of it. i also bought some pearly beads from oxfam, just in case i ever feel the need to confuse more people about my sexuality.
the cheeky tongue tip pose seemed like a good idea at the time (yes that is my tongue not an abnormally fat lip)

so yeah, i did one good deed today, i made my mum dinner, i went to tesco and bought everything for a chicken ceasar salad and then prepared it for her in time for when she got back from work, so yeah, i think i'm allowed to feel good about myself.

my sister is everywhere at the moment, well she's actually in canada helping on a children's camp but i got an e-mail yesterday, we all got a postcard today and her university magazine came through as well, guess who's on the front cover? well, she shares it with a few other people, but she's visible.

this is my sister drunk. she's not allowed to read this site so it doesn't matter.
incidentally, speaking to my mum about going on big brother tonight, she said she'd refuse to watch it even if i was on it; get in! i could go on there without her finding out what i'm really like! (i'm not really in that much denial, i know my mum knows everything about me really, all mums do).

but neway, the next bit of big bruv's about to start, so i'll leave this

here.

peace x x x

p.s. slightly (slightly) twatted after one tinnie. well, feeling the effects at least. bodes well for september.

city 'til i die

2005-07-14T23:50:00.000Z

i watched the 7/7 silence on tv today and it was absolutely amazing, no-one can observe a silence quite like the British. i'm not really proud to admit it but it ended up making me think about my ideal, perfect football match. ...

my ideal football match would start with a minutes silence, there is nothing like it to set the stage and get the crowd pumping before a game. the roar when the referee blows his whistle to end it always sends a shiver down my spine, expecially when juxtaposed with the complete silence that precedeed it.

then city would go 0-1 down to an unlucky goal. maybe a highly contentious penalty, or a clearly offside goal. city would then go on attack after attack without scoring, missing agonisingly frequently, the referee would seem to be completely biased against us, giving ridiculous decisions to the opposition, making the crowd more and more restless and vocal. i can't decide whether we should pull a goal back before half-time or not. i think not.

city kick off the second-half as they left off the first, attacking constantly, and then we break the deadlock, a confident finish from inside the box from one of our strikers. 1-1. the floodgates then open, our players have confidence coursing through their veins and everything seems to come off, a wonderful team goal to make it 2-1, then a solo goal from one of our wingers, running from inside his own half on a counter-attack as the opposition try and claw their way back, scotty scored a cracker like this against exeter in the Auto Windscreens Shield once. 3-1. then a terrific free-kick, like the one brian tinnion scored against blackpool (i think?) where one of our players flicked it up and he volleyed it home. 4-1. and the evening (it has to be an evening game for the atmosphere) is capped by an opposition player getting sent off. cheerio! cheerio! cheerio!

the closest to this i can remember? well the one thay sticks in my mind is the one where scotty scored that goal:

1999/00

29 Feb 2000

Exeter City

4 - 0

AM-SF/1(AWS)

12742

i was there.

city are 7-1 for the league one title, i think i can call that an investment. im getting excited for the new season now (well, ive been excited since the day we signed marcus stewart and i wrote his name all over my jeans) especially seeing as me dad's got tickets for the rovers vs. city pre-season friendly. can't fucking wait.

football; bloody hell.

peace! good luck leroy!

My life is a soundtrack album, these are the sleevnotes:

2005-07-13T22:20:00.000Z

This album is dedicated to my Mum, my Dad, my sister Ames, my Granny, my Cousins Ruth and Mary, my Uncle Kim, my Auntie Marion and all the rest of my extended family. Its is in memory of my Uncle Bob, my Grandads and my Gran.

I would like to thank all the teachers at Sir Thomas Rich's Grammar School for telling me that I'd never amount to anything and that I was not half as clever as I thought I was. I'd like to send a special thank you to 'Tommies' for asking me to leave after my GCSEs. I would advise any parent in the Gloucester area not to send your son to this bizarre, archaic school. Apologies to the few teachers who did make the effort (well, Mr. Watson (Drama), Mr. Bowie (Biology) and Mrs. Earl (French)).

I would like to thank Pate's Grammar School for the opportunities it gave me. I would especially like to thank Mrs. Hooper and Mr. McShane for being the first two teachers to properly believe in me even though i was a pain in the arse. I'd also like to thank them (and Mr. Morgan) for instilling in me a passion for Politics.

This album is also dedicated to my friends:
Swindon Village Primary School: Yun Wong, Johnny Howley and Matthew Oates
Highnam Primary School: Ross Manchester
Sir Thomas Rich's: Olaiya Ajadi, James Wyatt, Ben Arnell, Luke Bartrop, Richard Smyllie, Ben Richards, Nathan Campbell. Special thanks to Spreece and Roger for introducing me to drink and drugs.
Pate's Grammar School:
-The Mockneys: Yun Wong (again!), Sam Ewens, Kylle Colquhoun, Jon Moss, Liam Frost, Tom Allen, Matt Fitzsimmons, Tim Buckridge, and Greg Robertson.
- James Clark, Nathaniel Ogbourne, Chris Dring
-Annie Capper, Ed Knox, Laura Garlick, Tom Maj, Phil Rushworth, Danni Lade, Neil Boyd, Charly Annesly
-Rachel Carter, Jinesh Mehta, Livvy Ollin
Nottingham University: Alina Toosy, George Hart, Chris Goes, Sam Jackson, Mark Chan, Minty/Mizzle, Claire Salter, Nicole Swaine, Rob & Tim, Amy & Amy, Ai Do Wah, Amalina, Caroline Dixon, Pete, James Buckley, Andy, Charlotte
To all mentioned above that I have lost contact with - HOLLA AT YOUR BOY!
To anyone who i forgot, your name goes here ...........................

Now I am famous I would like to make contact with the following list of girls to see if it is possible to sleep with them:
-Ed Knox's Sister
-I'm not putting the rest of this list up on here; wait for the real album.

Finally I would like to thank Pete Doherty & Carl Barat for restoring my faith in love and music. Also thanks to Nas, Wu-Tang Clan, Slick Rick, Redman, The Beatles, The Clash and The Sex Pistols.

one love x x x x

when the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to

2005-07-12T22:15:00.000Z

yeah, so, today i exorcised my demons. a few weeks into my university term i bought kevin sampson's book 'freshers' from the blackwells on campus. i'd really loved his book 'awaydays' (which is still one of my favourite books) and thought this would be quite an apposite read. how wrong could i be? i mean my typical fiction problems of becoming overly obssessive and identifying (well, trying to become) the main character of the books i read were magnified massively when i started to read a book which was set in exactly the same life experience upon which i was currently undertaking. therefore this book depressed me by both being simultaenously dark and twisted and quite unhappy but also by being more drug and sex-filled than my life was at that time. oh alright, than my life still is.

anyway, it did have a happy ending but the damage was done, my university mindstate was more cynical and melancholic from that point onwards. this book has haunted my life to such an extent that i couldn't even bring myself to have a flick through it to see what had messed me up before i got rid of it today. i reckon it took until the middle of the summer term to really get over it.

but anyway, i took the obvious, logical step to deal with this book and its legacy. i burnt it. i got quite a taste for sacrificial burnings after the o.d.b. incident and this seemed like a natural progression. just to clear up, this is not a bad book, and kevin sampson is a really good author, but it did completely fuck my head up for a while. bastard.

anyway here is the burning in photo-essay format (click on the pictures to enlarge):

the infamous book (and yes, that is a 1998 Jamaica World Cup football shirt, because if you think i'm in denial about my skin-colour now, you should have seen me 7 years ago)
all you need for a book-burning (left to right): kouros eau de toilette for fuel, the book itself, matches, and because i'm all about safety; an oven glove and a bucket of water
adding fuel (well, kouros) to the fire; kouros is a very stinky 1970s eau de toilette, a bit like old spice, it is used by both me and my dad, it is very highly flammable
(sings) this is the moment of ignition, hot and fresh out the kitchen (quite a cool photo actually, altho holding a digital camera and a lit match whilst wearing an oven glove is not something i'd reccomend)
the book finally catches light after i've used up half my mum's matches
its a book! on fire! i did kind of jump backwards in fright at this point
even more fire! this is my favourite photo
yeah, well you get the idea of these photos now: its...a...book...on...fire
quite an artistic shot in my opinion, lovely juxtaposition of the book's spine and the debris of it's pages
SMOOOOKE! the smoke was kind of making me high at this point, it was acrid, it smelt like eau de toilette and i ended up trying to cook my lunch without turning the oven on
the last photo before i bottled it and chucked a bucket of water over the pyre, the great burning chunk on the right blew off after this and, given all the hot weather about i had visions of my mum coming back to a californian forest fire or a 'fresh prince'-style kitchen flambé moment (from the classic episode where will smith flambés the kitchen whilst carlton is at young republican camp....ah, memories)
the rather forlorn aftermath

so that was it. i felt pretty good, apart from a strange urge to listen to The Who's 'Teenage Wasteland', a song i'd only ever heard once in my life before. and the fact i had to clean up before mumsy came home and worried even further about my state of mind.

The Who - Teenage Wasteland

peacerooney x x

p.s. - can we get craig out of the big brother house now? what a wazzock

"comprondez"

2005-07-11T20:52:00.000Z

so...
today was going to be a photo-essay involving the destruction of the symbol of my university depression. but i'm worried about my mum coming home in the middle of it (are you curious now?) as it would be quite hard to explain. but i've got a day off work tomorrow so i'll do it then.

i sent an e-mail to one of my best friends today and in it i told him that he was my friend most likely to kill themself. i havent spoken to him since easter and i'm not sure that was the right way to re-establish contact. i think he'll either be pissed off immensely or thoughtful. or completely ignore that bit of the e-mail in his reply. we'll see.

something quite worrying is happening to me at the moment. i'm properly seriously considering trying out for the next big brother. you need to persuade them why you deserve to go on the show don't you? so far i have:

1)there has never been a ginger person on big brother. apart from tim, who as you can see doesn't count:

2)i'm narcisstic enough to embrace the little voice at the back of my head that says i could go on the show and make the whole nation fall in love with me. of course my personality is that appealing.
3)it'd help me get laid
4)one 'heat' exclusive would help pay off my student loans
5)i'd wear a t-shirt saying 'it's all in the editing'
6)well, thats it so far

the thing that would put me off is that there really isn't much warmth at all shown to the contestants by the general public, it really is just an attitude of thinly disguised loathing. and would it overshadow everything you ever tried to do after that again? i dunno.

have you heard the new uniting nations song? its proper, i've been meaning to post it up for ages.
Uniting Nations - You And Me
plus there is also this particular song which i finally have an unmixed version of:
LNM Projekt ft. Bonnie Bailey - Everywhere (Radio Edit)
and an old classic:
JX - There's Nothing I Won't Do
cheesy dance ahoy!

see you tomorrow
love me x x x

p.s. - actually not sure i'm anywhere near enough entertaining enough for BB:
Big Brother quotes part 1
Big Brother quotes part 2

Some thoughts from the outbox of my phone:

2005-07-10T22:36:00.000Z

'Song about the kid that makes it but only uses his new found wealth and fame to shag all the girls who turned him down and laugh at everyone who laughed at him'
-obviously in a bitter mood

'I haven't seen the future, i've just stopped believing in the past'
-like, deep, man

'Just a thought, but how do people look like themselves in the matrix, ie how can they project an image of themselves wen they've always been trapped in a bath+so don't know what they look like?'
-ah ha!

'Her name was billie jean, only 17, bathed everyday in anti-ageing cream, contrary to popular belief it worked, as she went back into her mother, what had she learnt?'
-this song actually has several verses; theres one about clive who reads fhm and shaves his arse too

'Its like a soundclash wen i spark hash, grab the pad get mashed, i expose this explosive creative process, so u know this but still can't flow with the dope kid...'
-too much time sitting on buses caned

'Theres no rest for the wicked, but there is toilet breaks'

hmmmmmm.

peace!
x

the real hip-hop is over here

2005-07-08T23:15:00.000Z

50 Cent & Mobb Deep - Out Of Control

Nas - My Will

The Nonce & Aceyalone - Mix Tapes

Tragedy Khadafi - Live By The Gun

J.M.E. - Scotland

Trim - Fire Hydrant Vocal (Merkin Major Ace)

just some tunes i've been listening to recently. love the beat on the fiddy one, recently leaked nas tune, old nonce track, tragedy khadafi tune that was on the first westwood show i ever recorded, a tune from last year from one of the newest members of the roll deep entourage, and memphis bleek, game, 50 cent, fat joe, jadakiss need to listen to this trim track and learn how to slew. mind you the best song i've heard today is the current backstreet boys single. now thats how you do a boyband ballad.

peace!

x

p.s. - cheerio maxwell, c'mon science! (yeah, i voted)

man's inhumanity to man

2005-07-07T20:57:00.000Z

yeah well, what can i say? i got to work at 9 o'clock this morning and i've been watching different peoples tvs there ever since. this kind of thing shouldn't be happening in the modern world should it? innocent people dieing anywhere is an abomination, now thats it happened in London we should empathise even more with the suffering of our brothers and sisters all over the world. because this was just an average day in Iraq. just hope and pray that some good will come out of this in some way, on the news they said that Tony Blair was heading back to the G8 to try and come up with something really special, to show the world what our values are. i hope he does.

i.d. cards wouldn't have stopped this, the only way you can stop this is by being a moral, decent, free country, at home and abroad.

i'm going to pray before i go to bed tonight.

can't we all just get along?

x

p.s. our emergency services are full of heroes

so can you picture past the honeymoon, where you beat me with the wooden spoon, and you got me sleepin' on the couch

2005-07-06T21:00:00.000Z

For a while he looked at Sarah, and, despite himself he loathed the in-built appropriateness within man's nature that forced them, unless they were a Rolling Stone, to be most attracted to females the same age as them. When he was 12 he fancied other 12 year-olds, when he was 15 he fancied other 15-year olds and now he was 17 he fancied Sarah. Surely the women of his adulthood would never compare with the just-blossoming beauty that Sarah radiated?

When he looked into her eyes he saw everything; the first dates, the first sex, the first immature break-up, the relationship burgeoning over seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years, the growing realisation that, first time out, they may have struck lucky and found their one true love, marriage, honeymoon, house-buying, an accidental child and then a planned one, work, drinking, sleeping on the sofa, cheating on Sarah in grubby Travel-Lodge rooms, finally banished to a bedsit with only this memory to cling onto, and he wanted to take all this now, put it into a blender like so many forbidden fruit and drink a drink so thick and inpenetrable that he knew he would choke.

dunno what that is, wrote it on the back of an old bank statement when i couldn't get to sleep last night. just worked an 11-hour shift. still enjoying work. this is the song that inspired that.

Roots Manuva - Dreamy Days

and to be honest, i'm out.

one love x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

well life is short, we spend all of our time, just fucking and fighting my friend

2005-07-05T22:50:00.000Z

i've been in three proper fights in my life, i have yet to throw a punch. i say proper fights because obviously when i was a kid i got in quite a few scraps. one of the moments in my life i am most ashamed of was in year 9 or so when lawrence haigue was trying to hold me back from going mental on someone (nick walkely) and i actually spat in his face to try and get him out of my way. so lawrence, i am so, so sorry.

but anyway, my adult fights all happened in the space of two weeks, in corfu when i was 18. the first was with my mate kylle, i can't even remember what the argument was about, but we must have been battered. i can remember that he ran up to me and landed one on my chin, i kind of stumbled back and then EVERYBODY jumped on me and held me back from hitting him back. so the bastard walked back up to me and hit me again whilst everyone was holding me. i was going apeshit at this point screaming at everybody to let me go and hit him back as it was only fair but i was pretty much sat on until i calmed down. fair enough i suppose and there was no lasting damage.

second fight was with my mate sam (are you starting to notice a pattern here?), the same one i went to glastonbury with. it was about 3 or 4 in the morning and we'd come back from a club. we were in our shared room with a couple of mates and i put on wyclef jean's '911' (which is a fucking awful song to be honest) cos i wanted to chill out. he wasn't happy with that and wanted to put on the minidisc he compiled for the holiday which we had been listening to pretty much constantly up to that point. he changed the music without my consent and a war of words developed, i pretty much went off at the deep end eventually and said some spectacularly harsh things about his ex-girlfriend and stuff that i knew he was bothered about and he just exploded and started punching me in the face. i didn't want to hit him back so i just kept trying to ineffectually push him off me and he just kept twatting my nose. he had these fucking signet rings on and there were gouged-out bits of my nose all over the top of the fridge the next day. i can't really remember what happened next but we all ended up having a pretty hefty deep and meaningful in the end. he seemed more cut up than me to be honest (maybe replace 'cut up' with' drunk'?). it was the first time i realised it doesnt hurt that much to get punched. but i was scared shitless my nose had been broken and i was going to look like steve bruce for the rest of my life, however after the swelling went down (!) i was ok. this fight is why my nose points slightly off to one side.

the final fight was a real proper job one. we were in a club and my mate frosty was apparently dancing with a girl that someone else fancied or something. alcohol has blurred the memory but i remember it being brought to my attention that he was flat on his back on a table with blokes punching shit out of him. i ran to the table and he was wearing this military shirt with epalleuttes on it so i just grabbed them and dragged him off the table. i got properly punched in the face for my troubles. my mate mole absolutely leathered someone in the fracas, we all ended up in the toilets spitting blood into the sink and examing our injuries in the mirrors. i had blood all over my shirt, shoes and trousers (i wore them like that for a while after, its just looked like a weird brown stain). the lads we fought were all welsh and every single one of them was wearing an evisu top, there were about 20 of them. some other english blokes had got stuck in with us and one of the welsh lads had his face absolutely battered. we were well out of our league but didn't realise it and went out onto the main strip to have a look for them. my mate yun even had a bottle with him. i can remember standing down the street from them winking and blowing kisses from a reasonably safe distance. then i saw a few of them standing on the front of a doctors place where their mate was having his face repaired, i went up to them giving it the big 'un. one of them just shoved me and i went flying off the curb in a graceful arc and landed on my arse about 6 feet away. i decided to call it a night.

so thats my fighting career. not proud of any of it and i don't think its a coincidence all of them were alcohol related. to be honest i'm too vain to fight anymore. i like my face the way its arranged at the moment, thanks very much. the closest i've been to a fight recently was in amsterdam this year. i supported the welsh against england in the 6 nations and because of this george nicked my beanie hat afterwards and wouldn't give it back (it always the most petty things that start fights between friends. well this friend and others anyway). this really wound me up as my hair was a pile of shit so when he wasn't paying attention i tried to rip his scarf off his neck. i got it 3/4 of the way off then he clamped on to his end and i wrapped the amount i had grabbed around my wrists so he couldn't get it back. a stand-off developed as we got left behind by the main group and we were left there looking at each other going;

'give me my scarf back'
'i'm not giving it back until you give my hat back'
'i'm going to fucking hit you'
'well go on and fucking hit me, i'm not letting go until you give me fucking hat back'

this continued until a few people realised we'd been left behind and looked over their shoulders to see us entwined a 100yards back down the street. an impartial person had to persuade george to give him the hat before i'd release the scarf. eventually it all got negotiated and i got my hat back and george kept his scarf, he also got a lovely burn round his neck from when i tried to snatch his scarf (subtext: i won).

there's a pretty mint 19-year old girl called sophie working at the care home now. can't be bad. apparently she's always phoning in sick at short-notice so i hope i get chance to expose my charms to her (does that sound like i'm a flasher?) before she gets sacked. obviously i perdict that her sick days will drastically reduce now that shes seen me working there.

holla!

peace x x

I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE THIS